


Open Your Heart

by Aki (Akiko_Natsuko)



Category: D.Gray-man
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Betrayal, Childhood Trauma, College, Comfort No Hurt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Eventual Romance, F/M, Fear, Fluff and Angst, Friendship, Gen, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Misunderstandings, Nightmares, Past Child Abuse, Rejection, Scars, Trust Issues
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-07
Updated: 2018-11-17
Packaged: 2019-08-20 10:03:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 29,225
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16553711
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Akiko_Natsuko/pseuds/Aki
Summary: Lavi is trapped in a cycle of flirting and failed dates, looking for love, whilst trying to balance his studies. Allen has been betrayed too many times to let someone like Lavi in, and his fear will push them down a painful path that neither of them are ready for. Modern AU.





	1. Chapter 1

   Lavi grunted something that could have been a greeting to the old man before heading for his room, unable to bear the thought of an actual conversation, or hearing the Panda telling him yet again that he was wasting his time chasing after love when he should be focusing on his studies. Thankfully he wasn’t called out on his attitude for once, and he made it up to the sanctuary of his room, although lately, it hadn’t felt like much of a sanctuary. The rows and rows of books, piled reports and essays all a reminder of who he really was, and what was expected of him. A reminder of the side of himself that he tended to keep hidden when he was out and about, because he had learned back in school that the girls and boys for that matter tended to ignore the bookworms. Especially bookworms, with one eye, although that was one part of his life and appearance that he had come to terms with.

   _Not that it really makes much of a difference,_ he thought with more than a hint of bitterness as he closed the door sharply behind him before moving across and flopping face-down on the cover. Long ago he had realised that if he stayed as bookish as he was, he was never going to get the attention he wanted, oh he had friends, plenty of them - but what he really wanted was a proper relationship, someone who saw him and only him, someone who loved him. _All of him._ It had taken a long time, but he had taught himself how to flirt, adopting a cheeky mask that pulled people to him like moths to a flame, and for a while, he had convinced himself that was enough. He wasn’t lonely anymore because he was surrounded by people, girls and boys, and he found himself being offered numbers and dates more and more, especially since moving to college. However, the illusion hadn’t lasted.

    Oh, he could flirt and get the number - often even a date or two, but he never seemed to know what to say or how to act when it got past that stage. He could keep up the flirty masquerade, but he couldn’t lie to people, and so he always let a little of himself slip out, and that was where it always seemed to go wrong. Every time he tried to reach out, it seemed to end in failure – in quiet promises to call him later, only for the call never to come. Or a quick message to say it had been fun, but that it wasn’t going anywhere, or worse, being stood up in the first place. At first, he had always been able to bounce back, but now he found each new failure weighing heavily on him - like tonight’s failure. He had waited nearly two hours before admitting defeat, slinking away in defeat and struggling not to notice the pitying looks from the barista in the coffee shop where he had been sat, trying not face up to the fact that he had been stood up. _Again…_

    Sighing he sat up slightly, slipping his hand into his pocket and pulling out the napkin he had been handed on his way out. _Another number._ There had been a time when Lavi would have been thrilled to be given a number, even after his actual date had failed, but now as he gazed down at the number scrawled in the corner of the napkin, there was only a strange, sinking sensation in the out of his stomach. For a moment he contemplated adding it to his phone, to join the countless others, most of them never actually used - especially recently, but after a moment he shook his head, the napkin crumpling between his fingers before he dropped it over the side of his bed as he rolled onto his back, staring blankly up at the ceiling. Perhaps the old man was right, and he should just focus on his studies, rather than his ‘foolish’ and increasingly empty pursuit of love. _But…_

“I don’t want to,” he muttered aloud, his voice sounding shockingly loud in his empty room and he groaned as he threw a hand over his face. It wasn’t even as though the old man had any reason to complain, he was passing all his classes either at the top or near the top, and he physically couldn’t cram any more subjects into his schedule. Even with how much he loved his books, there was only so much time he could spend studying. And he couldn’t give up on the idea that somewhere out there, there had to be someone that would like him for who he really was and not just the flirty face that he showed to the public.

_There has to be…right?_

****

Two days later:

    Allen sighed as he stared at his reflection for the umpteenth time that morning, unable to shake the nerves that were making his stomach churn uneasily, and he was seriously beginning to think that this was a terrible idea. _I can’t do this…_ Maybe he would be better off just studying at home and only venturing to the college when he needed to take exams? That had been his original plan when he had moved back to town, but Lenalee had spent the last few months trying to persuade him to at least try college, and as always he had found himself caving under his best friend's attempts. Besides he owed her that much at least since she and her brother had offered him a place to stay after his guardian had taken off on him yet again. _However…_ his gaze darkened as he refocused on his reflection, tugging nervously at his sleeve in an attempt to hide the scarred skin of his left hand and scowling at the scar down the side of his face. _There’s no way I can do this._

    He had done this so many times before, changing schools and towns, having to face the curious stares and questions - the taunts and whispers that would often spread after the first surprise had died down. At one point he had thought he had become immune to it, but now he knew that he had just been hurt so many times that he couldn't be hurt again…at least not outwardly. Each word and sideways look was stored away, adding to his distrust of people, to the point where he would almost give anything to be able to live in complete isolation. _People can’t be trusted._ He had tried to keep that thought at bay, unable to forget how much his foster-father had loved people and wanting to live up to the spirit of the man who had given him a glimpse of what normality looked like, but Mana was long dead, and experience made it harder to cling to that belief. _I’m sorry._

“Allen!” He jumped at the soft knock on his bedroom door, instinctively drawing his arm around in front of himself as though he could hide it and it took him a moment to remember where he was and realise who was at the door, and he sighed before replying.

“Come in!” He couldn’t stop himself from smiling as Lenalee practically bounced into the room, releasing his arm as he knew that she had long since stopped noticing it. However, there must’ve still been something off about his expression, because she sobered as she came to a halt behind him, and he caught the way her eyes darted between him and the mirror as an understanding expression flitted across her face. Allen wanted to grimace, sometimes it was eerie just how well she could still read him, especially as it had been a couple of years since they’d last seen each other and there was only so much you could share through email and phone-calls.

“Are you okay?” She asked softly, resting a gentle hand on his shoulder, on his left shoulder he noticed, and for a moment he was distracted by gazing at it with a hint of awe. He could count on one hand the number of people that could act so easily around his arm - two of those being Lenalee, and her somewhat eccentric but kind-hearted brother Komui - and Mana. Even his current wayward guardian Cross, had moments where he would stare a little too long to be polite, or recoil if Allen reached out without thinking about what hand he was using. It was something that he treasured, and one of the reasons why he clung so tightly to Lenalee’s friendship.

“I’m fine,” he muttered as he realised that she was still waiting for a reply, seeing the doubtful expression that met his words he sighed before admitting. “A little nervous…” He had never been able to hide anything from her, even when they were little, his masks already well developed by that point as he hadn’t met her until a couple of years after he’d lost Mana, and he honestly didn’t know why he even tried anymore.

“It’s going to be fine!” Her previous exuberance had returned, but her smile was soft as she glanced down at where he was nervously fiddling with his sleeve, aware of how much he feared people’s reactions to his scars, and not without reason. There had been more occasions than she wanted to remember where she had been forced to step in to defend him when they were younger because Allen for all his distrust of people, was unendingly polite even in the face of bullying and insults and he wouldn’t speak up to defend himself. Lenalee on the other hand, while she had been shy in her own way, had absolutely refused to stand by let them insult her best friend. “You’re one of the youngest to pass the exams to get into the college, people are going to be far more interested in that. And I’m in most of your classes anyway, I promise to give anyone who so much as looks at you wrong a good kick in the rear!”

    Allen gaped at her for a moment, before breaking into giggles at the self-righteous expression she had adopted, aware that beneath it she was perfectly serious. She had wound up in trouble more than once because she had been protecting him, something that he still felt guilty about, although he had always insisted on serving whatever punishment she had been given alongside her. Lenalee lent against his back, wrapping her arms around in a hug as she began to laugh too, pulled in by his infectious giggles which were, unfortunately, a rather rare sound and he leaned back into her as he calmed before sighing in defeat.

“Fine…I’ll give it a go,” he was cut off by a loud squeal right in his ear, her arms tightening around him for a moment in delight, even though they both knew that he had never stood a chance against her - he never did. He struggled to keep a stern expression as he peered up at her, but he knew there was no hiding the amusement dancing in his eyes as he added softly. “But no kicking rears…”

“You’re no fun,” Lenalee grumbled pouting slightly, before pressing a teasing kiss to his forehead when he opened his mouth to protest. “I’ll be good, so come and get breakfast. Otherwise, we’re going to be late for your first day of classes.”

   Allen perked up at the mention of food. It would take more than nerves to make him lose his appetite, especially with Lenalee’s cooking and he willingly let her pull him to his feet. However, as she began to pull him towards the door, he couldn’t help but glance at his reflection once more. He really wanted to believe her, if only because he knew that she was probably more worried that she was letting on, but he couldn’t completely shake his doubts.

_Please,_ _let this time be different…even just a little…_

****

    Lavi had largely bounced back from his failed date a couple of nights before, outwardly at least, and he had his usual grin on his face as he sprawled across his table in the college café, completely ignoring his companion’s fierce glare in favour of eyeing up the girls at the neighbouring table. It was one of the best things about a new term - new people who had no idea about who he was, or what he was like. Although hearing the soft growl from beside him, he wasn’t completely sure that Kanda wouldn’t drop him in it if he tried something, and with a grumble, he turned his attention back to the older teen.

“What’s got you so grumpy this morning Yuu?” He asked, smirking as he caught the annoyed twitch that met his use of the other’s first name. It was a reaction that he never tired of, even though more than once he had ended up being smacked on the head for his cheek. “Why are you even in this early? You don’t have a class until eleven?” The dark-haired teen had always made a point of not spending unnecessary time at college, he had to be coerced to join in with study groups and would often disappear without even saying goodbye the moment his classes were over.

“Lenalee made me promise to come in and meet the new kid,” Kanda muttered with a scowl, but there was a hint of softness in his eyes as he mentioned their mutual friend and Lavi had to fight back the urge to tease him. Aware that Kanda was interested in her as more than a friend not that he would ever admit it aloud and knowing from painful experience that was one of the few things that he really couldn’t get away with teasing him about.

“New Kid?” Lavi tilted his head for a moment, summoning vague memories of Lenalee chatting away about the friend that was coming to live with her and transferring into their college. He’d kind of tuned her out after she’d started repeating herself, and it had slipped his mind, buried beneath thoughts of his own messed up life – well love life at least, and studying. “Oh, the boy that’s staying with her and Komui? I thought he was meant to be staring last term?”

“He was,” Kanda replied, shrugging before taking a sip of his tea, clearly trying to wake himself up before Lenalee descended on them. They had learnt long ago that Lenalee was a force of nature, no matter the time of day or what mood they were in, and so they had adopted the policy of just rolling with it. Ot was better than protesting and seeing her smile fall - something that they were sure she had noticed, and now used to her advantage as often as possible. “Something happened, and he took his exams late, but she didn’t really explain, and I didn’t ask…” Lavi grumbled at that answer, but that was Kanda all over unless it directly involved him, he was content just to get the bare bones of information. Lavi was the opposite, always wanting to know every piece of information he could get his hands on, maybe that was why they clashed so often. _Or it’s because he’s a grumpy git…_ He corrected himself silently as Kanda turned away, clearly signifying that he was done with the conversation for the time being.

_Hurry up Lenalee,_ Lavi thought as he let his gaze drift over the café, lingering here and there when he caught someone’s gaze and flashing them a grin. He was fond of Lenalee, but he had made it a strict rule never to flirt with her - mainly because of scarily, overprotective brother and his lips quirked up as he wondered how Kanda was going to handle that conversation if ever got off his bum and told her how he felt. _Maybe I should help?_ He dismissed that thought as quickly as it came, considering the state of his own love life he really didn’t have the right to comment on someone else’s, and Yuu probably would kill him for real if he meddled with something like that. Fiddling with his bandage, and the eyepatch that he used to hide his eye - a useful way of drawing attention he had long since discovered, he shot a charming smile towards a brunette a couple of tables across who was openly studying him, and he was contemplating going across to chat with her when he felt Kanda shifting beside him.

“There she is.” Lavi prized himself on being observant, it was a skill that came in very handy when he was flirting with people and had saved him encounters with angry boyfriends on more than one occasion. However, Kanda always put him to shame especially when it came to Lenalee, and the red-head immediately raised his head in search of their green-haired friend and found his mouth going dry a moment later as he got his first look at the boy following at Lenalee’s heels.

   He was small, barely even making Lenalee’s height, something which he seemed to be taking advantage of as he appeared to be hiding behind her. Longish silvery hair that had been pulled back into a loose ponytail framed a pretty face, and Lavi caught a glimpse of wary, grey eyes as the boy glanced around the café. _He’s cute,_ Lavi thought, feeling himself blushing slightly and he blinked. He had long since moved past the point of getting flustered at meeting new people, it tended to ruin attempts at flirting after all, and yet right now he was heating up and fighting the urge to duck his head as Lenalee spotted them and began to guide the boy towards them.

   It was only as they approached that he glimpsed the strange scar marring the left side of the boy’s face, and his eye narrowed for a moment as he studied it. If he didn’t know better, he would have said that it had been made with a knife, and something in his gut clenched at the thought that someone had hurt the boy and he quickly averted his gaze. That was something he would ask Lenalee about, as it was clear the boy was uncomfortable with attention from the way he was hiding, and a flash of crimson caught his gaze as the boy reached up to tug at Lenalee’s arm, whispering something in her ear, and Lavi realised there was another reason for the wariness. What he could see of the left hand was covered in nasty burns, clearly old and scarred over and his frown deepened - _what happened to him?_ He had always loved meeting people and learning them, but he had never felt such an overwhelming urge to ask questions, and he had to swallow them back at the pair approached.

“Hey guys,” Lenalee greeted them with a broad smile, seemingly unaware of her companion’s uneasiness. Then Lavi caught the way that her eyes were darting around, watching for people paying too much attention to the boy and the way she was lightly holding onto his wrist as though to stop him from bolting, a wise precaution given the way he kept shifting. “This is Allen Walker,” she gestured to the boy, her voice warmer than Lavi had ever heard it, and he caught the way Kanda’s eyes narrowed as the dark-haired teen grunted something that could have been a greeting. For a moment he contemplated nudging his friend to get a better greeting out of him, especially as he had caught the dangerous glint in Lenalee’s eyes, but then he noticed the grey eyes watching their every moment and he froze, before offering the younger teen a warm smile.

“Hi there,” he said cheerfully, sitting up and completely forgetting about the girl that he had been flirting with a moment before, completely focused on the teen in front of him. “I’m Lavi Bookman, but I’m sure that Lena-lady here has told you all about me,” Lenalee grumbled at him for the nickname, but she had long since given up getting him to abandon it. However, it was Allen’s reaction that caught the redhead's attention, a shadow had appeared in those grey eyes, and it was like watching a shutter come down, and Lavi swallowed, suddenly nervous before pointing at Kanda and trying to deflect that strangely, probing gaze now watching his every movement. “This grouch is Yuu...”

“Kanda!” Kanda growled under his breath, and Lavi noted the alarm that flickered through Allen’s eyes at his tone and the way the younger teen shrank back. However, before he had a chance to do or say anything it had been sealed away behind a mask as the boy often them a polite smile, that didn’t reach those eerie grey eyes as he finally spoke.

“Hello, it’s nice to meet you both.” None of the hesitancy that was present in his body language showed through in his voice, it was soft and melodious, and Lavi felt his mouth dropping open, unable to drag his gaze away from Allen even as Lenalee guided the younger boy into the seat opposite him before claiming the one next to him. If anyone asked even half an hour later about the quiet conversation that followed, he wouldn’t have been able to tell you a single word that was spoken or topic discussed. But he could have recited perfectly every emotion both feigned and real that flickered across Allen’s face, the number of times he shifted or fidgeted with the sleeve hiding his injured arm, and by the time they parted ways for classes he knew two things. One that he wanted to get to know Allen Walker, the real one, not the polite mask he seemed determined to show the world, and two, that for once he had no idea how to go about it.

 


	2. Chapter 2

   Lavi sighed as he stared down at the page in front of him, struggling to focus on his essay which was due in the next day. Something that he would normally have finished days ago because as relaxed as he was about everything else, he had always taken pride in the fact that he had never been late with his coursework, and not just because the old man would have had his head. However, he had been finding it increasingly hard to focus the last couple of weeks, and while he had feigned ignorance the few times he had been called out about that, he knew full well that the dive in his concentration levels had occurred the day that Allen Walker had started at the college.

    _Allen Walker._ Aside from that first day when Lenalee had brought the younger boy to meet them, he hadn’t had the chance to spend any real time with the boy. The pair had joined Lavi and Kanda for lunch a couple of days, which had been enough to let the red-head discover that Allen had an appetite to be reckoned with, although considering both times he’d had a bento made by Lenalee, Lavi couldn’t blame him. Neither he nor Kanda had ever been able to turn down an invitation to Lenalee’s for dinner, although a couple of times that had landed them in trouble when her older brother had taken it upon himself to cook dinner. A genius at science he might be, but that hadn’t helped his cooking skills in the slightest, and even now Lavi found himself shivering at the thought of the weird and wonderful concoctions they had been forced to eat, and idly he wondered how Allen dealt with such meals.

    Eating habits aside, although he had also noticed how the silver-haired boy had gone straight for the Dango, filing that away as essential information as Lenalee had teased him about it afterwards. _Clearly, a favourite._ However, trying to learn anything else about the elusive teen had been nearly impossible, any attempt at conversation was quickly shut down, albeit in a polite way and in fact he had probably managed to glean more from Lenalee’s reactions to their questions than Allen’s. Kanda had finally shown a hint of interest in the boy the last time they’d eaten together, and in his usual blunt manner had turned around and asked why Allen was living with the Lee’s now. A hint of jealousy showing in the dark eyes that had been focused on Allen, although if the boy had noticed, he gave no sign of it, smiling his strange half smile, the one that never seemed to touch his eyes.

 _“My guardian has gone overseas with work, and I didn’t have anyone else to stay with.”_ It had sounded perfectly reasonable in his soft voice, and Lavi might well have taken it at face value if he hadn’t glanced at Lenalee a moment later. For the first time, her smile had dimmed, and there was an almost dangerous light to her eyes, and as he watched she reached out and gently brushed her fingers against Allen’s arm, clearly trying to offer comfort. That had been the first time that Lavi had been awarded a glimpse of the boy’s proper smile. Allen having immediately turned towards her, his lips curving up into a small smile and grey eyes were brighter than the red-head had seen them so far, and he’d felt his breath catch, completely missing the whispered reassurances that had followed. _He’s beautiful…_

    One thing that he had noticed much to his dismay, was that Allen always seemed to tense a little more when he was the one to try and ask a question, and the grey eyes seemed to darken a little when he tried to just chat with the boy. So far he had remained undaunted though, and if anything he had found his interest rising by the day, and there had to be a way to get the boy to open up to him. _Right?_ He sighed again, tapping his pen against his notepad and grimacing when he realised how little progress he had made. Unless you counted doodling a rough sketch of Allen in the corner, he realised in alarm, moving to scribble it out before anyone would see and then hesitating before folding the corner over to hide instead, feeling his cheeks heating up slightly. A sharp cough startled him, and let out a sound that he would vehemently deny was a squeak if asked, lifting his head to find Kanda staring at him with a perplexed expression.

“Seriously what the hell has got into you the last few days?”   

“Huh?” Was his intelligent response, praying that the dark-haired teen hadn’t seen his doodle or cottoned onto the fact that he had been sat there daydreaming for the past hour. Especially as it had taken him nearly two hours the day before of barraging Kanda with texts to convince him to join him for the study session, and the red-head grimaced as his gaze flickered across to Kanda’s notepad to find it filled with neat notes.

“That girl you were eyeing last week has practically been throwing herself at you for the last half hour, and she even left her number for you.” Kanda pointed out bluntly drawing Lavi’s attention once more, gesturing to the slip of paper that had materialised on the table beside him at some point and Lavi blinked at it in confusion. _When did that appear?_ He knew he’d been distracted - but enough for someone to sneak up on him? Across the table, Kanda studied his expression for a moment, before arching an eyebrow and demanding with a hint of incredulity.  “You didn’t even notice did you?” _No,_ clearly his expression had given his thoughts away because Kanda grimaced and repeated his earlier question. “What the hell is going on with you? You drag me out to study with you and then sit there and gaze off into the distance? And you completely miss a girl hitting on you?”

“I…” Lavi swallowed, catching the bite in that last question, well aware that Kanda had never approved of his flirting and constant dating and part of him was tempted to inform him that he had actually gone through his phone a few days before and deleted every single number he had got through his previous efforts. It would be amusing to say it, just to see what expression Kanda would make, but he stopped himself at the last minute and instead contemplated whether he actually wanted to tell Kanda what was going on. Part of him was worried that if he did say something that Kanda would tell Lenalee, but at the same time he had noticed that Kanda had actually managed to pull Allen more successfully into conversations. Although it was more bickering than anything else, and at this point, he was getting desperate enough for that seem tempting. “It’s Allen…”

“The Beansprout?”

“Beansprout?” Lavi echoed, tilting his head in bemusement.

“What else am I going to call him? Have you seen the size of him?” Kanda muttered, and Lavi had to fight back a chuckle at both the nickname and tone, before getting distracted by the way Kanda was currently mutilating the bottom of his notes and it only took a moment for comprehension to dawn, a wicked grin spreading across his face.

 “Are you jealous Yuu-chan?”  He taunted, only to yelp as Kanda moved a lot faster than he was expected and hitting him in the side of the head. “OW! What was that for?”

“I told you…don’t call me Yuu,” Kanda growled, and Lavi grinned unrepentantly at that. He had called Kanda by his first name for years, and he wasn’t about to stop, and he made no effort to hide his amusement as dark eyes narrowed at him. “And don’t add such foolish honorifics either.”

“Aww you’re no fun,” Lavi muttered, lifting a book to protect himself from being hit a second time and sticking his tongue out at Kanda in retaliation, somewhat unsurprised when Kanda shot to his feet with a low growl and rapidly gathered his belongings together. As the dark-haired teen stormed away without another word, it occurred to Lavi that they had become completely derailed from their previous conversation, and the amusement slid off his face, although part of him was relieved that he hadn’t really explained what was going on. _I want to do this myself._

   However, that would have to wait for now as he really needed to get this essay done, as he didn’t want to deal with the old man’s wrath. With a put-upon sigh, he turned his attention back to his books, beginning to scribble away, even as nudged the folded corner open so that he could see his earlier doodle, a small smile tugging at his lips.

_Beansprout huh?_

****

    Allen was seriously getting ready to curse or cry, unsure of whether he was more irritated with his own lack of height, or the fact that the college library seemed to be discriminating against short people. The book he really needed for his history assignment was sat on the top shelf, taunting him, and no matter how much he stretched he couldn’t even brush his fingers against the spine of the book. He’d looked around hoping to find a stool or a ladder at least that would let him get up there, but there was nothing, and the librarian seemed to have disappeared.  

 _I just want to go home,_ he thought with a sigh. It had been a long day, and the interest over his arrival didn’t seem to have died down yet even though it had been two weeks, although thankfully apart from the odd glance here and there Lenalee seemed to have been spot on with her speculation that they would be more interested in his age and grades. Although that was only marginally better, as it had made him the centre of attention in some of his classes, while other people seemed determined to ask him as many questions as possible. Questions that he had no intention of answering, the mere thought of these people finding out about his childhood - about the fact that Cross had bailed on him again, left him with a cold sweat. Lenalee knew, and by extension Komui and sometimes even that was an overwhelming thought, but at least he could trust them.

“Here,” the soft voice made him jump violently, and he flinched as a warm hand came to rest on his arm - on his left arm, and his breath hitched as he turned wide-eyes up to the newcomer. Unsure whether to be relieved that it was someone he knew as he found himself staring up at Lavi, or dismayed as he caught the grin on the redhead's face. It had been impossible not to pay more attention to Lavi the few times Lenalee had insisted on sitting with them, the older teen was loud and bubbly, and stood out physically as well, even Allen had to admit that as his gaze flickered briefly to the red hair and then to the bright green gaze fixed on his face. That was why he had noticed straight away that Lavi was paying more attention to him than the others, something that worried him and he wanted to discourage. He had seen what the older teen was like around other people, never serious and constantly flirting, something that raised red flags for Allen, even though everyone else seemed to flock to him. Growing uncomfortable under Lavi’s gaze and not wanting to encourage him Allen made to pull away, only to freeze when he realised that Lavi was dangling the book he had been struggling to reach right in front of him. “This was the book you need, right?”

“Y-yes,” Allen muttered, hesitating for a moment before accepting the book because as much as he wanted to avoid encouraging the red-head, he really did need the book so that he could get his assignment done. He opened his mouth, instinctively going to thank the older teen, but then he snapped his mouth shut as he caught the smile on the others face. _Don’t encourage him,_ and so he swallowed back the words, hugging the book against himself and trying to tug his arm free. “You can let me go now,” he added quietly.

“Are there any more books you need?” Lavi asked hopefully, choosing to ignore the quiet words, this was the longest he had been around Allen for the last few days, and he desperately wanted to prolong it, and his gaze flickered down to the book he had just handed the younger boy. “Or I can lend you a hand with the assignment, I remember doing that one for Hevlaska back in my first year…” The history tutor was well known for being a harsh marker, and while Allen had only been there a couple of weeks, it was impossible for him to be unaware of that. She was one of their scariest teachers, demanding a level of accuracy that most students struggled with. “I…”

“I’m fine,” Allen cut him off, his voice coming out a little sharper than he had intended and grey eyes flashed as he glared up at Lavi. “I doubt you offer to help most new students, so I don’t know why you’re offering to help me.”

“I…”     

“Thank you for passing me the book.” Lavi blinked at the cool tone, up until that point Allen had always been unfailingly polite, but the new, colder edge was giving him pause. _Who are you, Allen Walker? What else are you hiding under your mask?_    “But I can handle things for myself, and I’d rather you left me to it.” It was far too reminiscent of people going deliberately out of their way to ‘help’ him when they saw his arm or scar, and while Lavi had done an admirable job of not staring at either of them. The fact, that he still had the same flirty air he’d had the first day they’d met, making him just as uncomfortable, even if there was different motivation behind it and he deliberately avoided the gaze that he could feel still lingering on him. _Please just go away…_

“Beansprout…” Lavi gulped, the nickname had flowed off his tongue without thought as he’d been focused on the fact that Allen was blatantly blocking his efforts to help, the mask faltering slightly and he had no idea of what to make of the emotions lurking underneath. However, there was no missing the irritation in the grey eyes as Allen’s gaze snapped back to him.

“What did you call me?” It was a really bad time to think that Allen was cute, grey eyes flashing as he glared up at Lavi, and the red-head found himself at a loss for words. “I’m Leaving,” Allen snapped when it was clear that he wasn’t going to get an answer, yanking his arm free from Lavi and the red-head contemplated reaching out to stop him, not wanting this encounter to end, but he stopped himself at the last moment. He hadn’t missed the way that the younger boy had responded to both his sudden appearance and being touched, something he would be contemplating at a later date when he wasn’t being pierced by that dark glare. Instead, he could only watch helplessly as Allen stormed off towards the doors and disappeared from sight without even a backwards glance.

 _Damn it, I had to open my big mouth didn’t I…_ That was Kanda’s fault, putting that nickname in his head at lunchtime and when he’d come into the library to the sight of Allen frantically stretching for the book it had seemed an appropriate nickname. He wouldn’t be making that mistake again he decided as he stared at the door as it swung shut behind the younger boy. For a brief moment, there had been a hint of real anger in those grey eyes. And while he was glad to catch a glimpse of real emotion from the younger boy that wasn’t really the emotion he had been hoping for. Especially not when it was directed at him, and he sighed as he sank back against the bookcase. He had thought that he might be in luck when he’d entered the library to return his books, only to find the room empty apart from Allen. Watching him struggle to reach the book had given him the perfect opening, and he had apparently managed to well and truly screw it up, and he rubbed a hand across his face in exasperation, how on earth was he meant to get past Allen’s barriers?

_I’ll have to apologise, at least then I’ll have another excuse to talk to him._

****

    Lenalee hesitated for a moment outside of Allen’s room, well aware that something had been bothering him as he had been silent on the walk home and distracted while they’d done their chores. He had slipped away the moment they were done with the dishes after dinner, muttering something about homework, which had only thrown up more warning signs as they had taken to doing their work together in the evenings. This was something he had always done though, retreating into his own space when something was on his mind and while sometimes it was better to leave him to work through it on his own, she wasn’t willing to do that this time. The events with Cross were still to close, and while there hadn’t been any real issues at college he was still settling in, and she wanted to make sure he knew that she was here - that she would always be there.

   She glanced down at the snacks in her arms before squaring her shoulders and pushing the door open, pasting a warm smile as she called out a greeting as she stepped inside.

“Allen I come bearing food!” She pretended not to notice the way he had jumped at her entrance and instead made her way across to his bed where he was sat cross-legged surrounded by piles of notes and books, boldly dumping the food on top of all that before settling on the end of the bed. Grey eyes flickered towards the food, and she could see that he was tempted, reinforced by the soft growl that escaped a moment later, and a hint of colour darkened his cheeks as he glanced up at her in question, no doubt catching the slightly strained edge to her smile.

“Lenalee…?”

“You didn’t eat much earlier,” she pointed out, sighing as he glanced aside. “I thought you were probably starving by now.” That was always the easiest way to tell that something was wrong because it took a hell of a lot to disturb his appetite, and his plate earlier had still been worryingly full. Allen hesitated for a moment, his gaze flicking to the food once more before he nodded and this time her smile was warmer as she passed across a packet of crackers, waiting until he had managed a few mouthfuls before asking the question that she really wanted to ask. “Did something happen?”

“No…” He muttered

“Allen.”  

“It’s fine, really,” Allen replied with a sigh, realising that she wasn’t going to drop the issue this time as he caught the determined glint in her eyes, even Komui couldn’t stand against her when she got like that. “It was just a long day.” He didn’t really want to get into the fact that he’d snapped at Lavi, that he had been uncomfortable around one of her friends. She had bombarded him with stories of Lavi and Kanda before he’d moved back here, although they were nothing like he’d envisaged, and he didn’t want to cause any problems. There was still some uncertainty in her gaze as she studied him, and he struggled to hold her gaze while trying to think of something to distract her, and his eyes brightened as he glanced down at the essay he had been wrestling with for the last hour. “This assignment is giving me a headache as well,” at least that much was honest, and while it was clear that she wasn’t completely convinced she leant forward all the same.

“Which class?”

“History,” Allen grimaced, trying not to think about Lavi’s offer to help and instead picking up his notes and holding them out to her with a hopeful expression. “Would you read over my notes? I just want to know that I’m on the right track.”

“Of course,” she was certain that he was still hiding something from her, but at least he was reaching out in his own way, and she took the notes with a smile, before shooting him a stern look.  “As long as you eat while I read.” He ducked his head at the order, smiling at her before obediently beginning to root through the pile of snacks with more enthusiasm than before, and as he leant back to watch her reading his notes, he felt some of his tension easing away.

_This is all I need…_

 


	3. Chapter 3

     Lavi ignored the curious looks he was receiving as he leant against the wall outside Lenalee’s class, having dashed across after the end of his last class, ignoring the odd look Kanda had given him when he had been out of the door barely a second after their tutor had finished assigning them work. It was Friday afternoon, and he was reaching the point of desperation. Apologizing to Allen it had transpired was a lot easier said than done, and not for lack of trying on Lavi’s part. He had waited a couple of days before trying to seek out the younger boy, hoping that Lenalee would drag him along for lunch one day. However, it had turned out that she was busy with a class project and was using every spare moment, including break-times to meet up with her partner, and Allen hadn’t appeared for lunch without her.

    Realising that waiting was only going to allow the problem to stagnate, he had taken to trying to find the boy, but he hadn’t had so much as a glimpse of Allen. Even dashing straight from his own classes to Allen’s class at the start of lunch and at the end of the day hadn’t yielded results. And if it hadn’t been for Lenalee assuring him that the younger boy had been in class when he had bumped into her earlier he might have thought that Allen was skipping class. Even Kanda when he had finally managed to drag an answer out of the grumpy teen, had to admit that he hadn’t seen ‘ _The Moyashi’_ for days, unaware of how much Lavi wanted to hit him for using the nickname that had got the redhead into this mess in the first place.

   Still, here he was waiting for Lenalee, hoping that she would be able to help him, although he wasn’t sure whether he wanted to tell her what was going on. It was clear that Allen hadn’t told her when she saw him earlier, because if she had, he would have been in a world of trouble. In fact, he’d had a hard time staying focused on her face when they were speaking, half-expecting her to give him a good sharp kick like she usually did when she was really annoyed with him, but she had been smiling and genuinely curious, and he didn’t want that to change. Besides, he really wanted to sort this out himself. The Old man would be proud, he thought with a sigh as he rested his head against the wall, wondering what on earth was taking her so long to come out.

“Lavi?” Lavi blinked as Lenalee bounced across to him with a curious expression on her face, ignoring the giggling of classmates, many of whom Lavi had probably flirted with at some point or another and were probably guessing that Lenalee was his newest target. “What are you doing here?”

“Waiting for you Lena-Lady,” Lavi replied, mischief dancing in his gaze as he bowed to her with a flourish, only to yelp as she promptly bopped him on the head in response.  “OW!”

“I guessed that much you idiot, and stop calling me that!” She scolded him, and he hastily backed up a step and summoned up the best expression of contrition that he could manage, although from the look she gave him it was a wasted effort. “But why?”

     _Why?_ Lavi’s mind went blank for a minute as he realised that he still hadn’t decided what to tell her, and he hesitated for a moment as he studied her. She had been curious when he’d asked about Allen earlier, but she hadn’t pressed the matter, but would she still let him near Allen if he told her what had happened in the library? He had seen enough of her interactions with the younger boy to realise just how protective she was of him, and he gulped slightly at the thought of what she might do to him.

“What are you guys doing this weekend?” He found himself blurting instead, and she blinked at him, and it took him a moment to realise that it had come out a lot louder than he had intended. Laughing awkwardly, he rubbed the back of his head as he hastily continued, making it up as he went along.  “I thought we could all do something together, maybe even drag Kanda along if we tag-team him?” That was always a mammoth task, and usually meant that they had to deal with the older teen grumbling as he trailed behind them, but he hoped that maybe it would convince to go along with the idea as she was always telling Kanda he should spend more time with them.

“We can’t,” Lenalee replied, offering him an apologetic smile and Lavi wondered if his expression had fallen that much. “I’m going shopping with Allen tomorrow as he needs some new clothes and stuff for his room, and we promised to help my brother on Sunday.” Lavi forgot his disappointment for a moment as he studied her, the same shadow that had appeared when they had talked about Allen’s guardian going away had reappeared in her eyes, and his hand twitched at his side. If he hadn’t still needed to apologise to Allen he might have given into the temptation to ask the questions that were bubbling up inside him, but it was clearly a topic that she was uncomfortable with, so he forced the urge to ask back, not willing to risk more obstacles that would stop him from speaking to Allen.

“We could go shopping together?” He asked hopefully. _Please, I need to apologise._ He hadn’t been able to shake the memory of the irritation in the silvery gaze that had been levelled at him, or the strange cold edge that had seeped into the boy’s voice and he knew that there wasn’t going to be any progress until he had apologised. Although it didn’t help that he hadn’t been able to forget the blasted nickname that Kanda had coined, unable to deny that it fit the shorter boy well.

“You hate shopping,” Lenalee frowned at him, and Lavi froze as he caught the hint of suspicion that had entered her gaze. “Last time we lost you after half an hour because you met that girl at the coffee shop.”

“I…” Lavi grimaced at being reminded of that fact, fairly sure one of the numbers he had just deleted had belonged to that girl and unable to come up with a reasonable excuse for why he was so eager to spend time with them this weekend.

“Besides Allen asked for it to just be the two of us,” Lenalee had continued before he could come up with something to say, and he grimaced when her words registered, as it confirmed in his mind at least that Allen was actively trying to avoid him. To be honest, he had worked that out days ago, but he had been working as hard as he could to ignore that fact, but it was harder to that now when it was confirmed with a somewhat guilty smile from Lenalee, even though she had no idea what was going on.

“No worries then,” He forced a smile, hoping it didn’t look as strained as it felt to him. “How about we meet for lunch on Monday then? You’re done with your project now, right?”

“Thankfully,” Lenalee muttered with such relief that Lavi couldn’t help but grin, he remembered doing that project and loathing every moment of it. Their school seemed to like throwing everything it could at the younger years, weeding them out before they hit the higher years where work was just a nightmare. He was trying to ignore the pile of work he had to do this weekend, even if it wouldn’t take him that long if he focused. “Lunch sounds great,” she added more cheerfully, before glancing down at her watch and smiling apologetically. “I’d better go, but I’ll see you on Monday.”

“Bye,” Lavi waved her off, resisting the urge to chase after her in the hopes of seeing Allen, well aware that there was no way he could just blurt out an apology in front of her.

“Bye!”

     The smile slid off his face as he watched her dashing off the corridor, hands curling at his sides, while he had accepted her answer he had no intention of waiting until Monday.

****

The next day:

“You realise that I do have clothes already, right?” Allen demanded even as he allowed Lenalee to drag him into yet another store, and trying to ignore the bags that she was already carrying. One of these days he really would need to learn how to say no to her properly, he had tried when she had first suggested this shopping trip, but he was fairly sure that she had just chosen not to hear him as she had just continued to outline her plans and list everything that she thought he needed. Admittedly he hadn’t tried as hard as he usually would, and not just because he hadn’t wanted to quell her excitement.

   It had been a long week, and he was fully aware that Lavi had been trying to track him down since the library, the distinctive red hair made it hard for the older teen to sneak up on him, although he supposed he should commend him for his effort. It had been a long time since he’d had to put that amount of effort into avoiding a person, but he just wasn’t ready to talk to the older teen or hear him attempt to apologise. He wasn’t even sure what had upset him so much about the nickname, although just the thought of it made him want to growl. _But no, it wasn’t just that…_ It was the interest that the redhead had been showing him. He didn’t want it, and he had no idea how to go about chasing him away apart from avoiding him and ignoring him to the best of his ability. He was reluctant to say anything to Lenalee because he really didn’t want to interfere with her friendships.

“I know,” Lenalee’s voice dragged him back to the present, and he sighed as he realised that she was already scanning the rails. _But what did I do to deserve this?_

“Then…”

“Because I haven’t been able to go shopping with you for years!” She cut across his weak protest, turning to look at him with soft eyes and he felt his protests melting away. It had been a long time since they had been able to do anything together, and if he was honest, it was only memories of spending time with her that had allowed him to endure the trouble he had at his last couple of schools. He glanced down at his hands, tucking the reddened hand back inside his sleeve before glancing up to find her looking at him with understanding eyes, and he offered her a small smile.

“Fine,” he admitted defeat gracefully, well aware that there was no he was ever going to have won this argument, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t try to curtail her shopping a little as he reached out to grab her hand. “Just stop choosing stuff for me! I already have enough.” So far she had bought one thing for herself, and he knew that if he didn’t put his foot down it would stay like that. She had always been the same, even when they were little and she hadn’t fully understood what his home-life was like she had done her best to spoil him. Back then he had soaked it up, needing the comfort against the backdrop of everything else, but now he knew better - and she had already given him a home, he didn’t need more than that, and there was a sad edge to his smile as he squeezed her hand. “Please…”

    Lenalee wanted to protest. She had been less than happy when he had moved in with one tiny case to his name, especially when she had realised that it mainly held books and one preciously guarded picture of Mana, and she had been desperate to drag him out shopping. However, she could see that he was serious about this and she worried her bottom lip for a moment, before deciding to propose a compromise, after all, it was his birthday soon so she would be able to finish getting him a proper wardrobe then, especially now that she knew his size. _And he’s not likely to grow,_ she thought with a hint of a smile, although she knew better than to say that aloud.

“Just this shop?” She pleaded, and she could see him wavering, silver eyes narrowed as he searched her expression for any sign of trick, so she hastily sweetened the deal. “Then we can get lunch, and head to the bookshop?” Lenalee had caught his stomach growling a short while before, even though he’d eaten a large breakfast, and she knew that the offer of food would sway him. Adding books just sealed the deal, because although he tended to try and hide it, he was just as mad about books as Lavi when the redhead got going. It was one of the reasons she wanted them to be friends because while she enjoyed reading, she wasn’t as interested as Allen was, and she wanted him to have more people to talk to.

“Okay,” Allen agreed, blushing slightly when his stomach grumbled loudly at the promise of food and Lenalee beamed at him. However, he had to double check as he hadn’t missed the mischievous expression that had passed over her face when she was thinking about his request, and he knew that she was planning something. Probably something that he wasn’t going to like, and probably something that there was no way for him to stop because he knew how stubborn she was when she got an idea in her head. “But just this shop.”

“Of course,” the blissful smile he received didn’t appease his fears completely, but with a sigh he let her go, following behind her with a resigned expression as she immediately went back to pulling out clothes that she was no doubt planning on forcing him to try on.

_Seriously, what did I do to deserve this?_

**

    Lavi grumbled under his breath as he stepped into the shopping mall, the one good thing about being in a town this small was that all the shops were in one place so it shouldn’t be too hard to track down his prey if they were still here. He had intended to get there midmorning as he knew from painful experience that Lenalee was an early riser and like to be up and about as quickly as possible. However, his plans for a quick escape after breakfast had been foiled by his old man. The stupid Panda having apparently noticed his distraction over the past few weeks and wanting to make sure that he wasn’t throwing away his education. The redhead had never been so tempted to hit the old man as he had been when he had been forced to drag out all assignments for the past few weeks to prove that his grades were still where they were supposed to be. And Lavi had been glad the old man had no idea about the number of times the teachers had been forced to yell at him to pay attention over the past week or so.

    Still, it had taken him a couple of hours to escape the old man’s grasp, and he was going to be seriously annoyed if he had missed his chance to catch Allen because of it. Sure he knew where Lenalee, and therefore Allen lived, but he knew that just turning up on their doorstep to fix this was out of the questions…and he’d have to deal with Komui as well, and he really wasn’t in the mood for that. Sighing he set off in search of the silver-haired boy, hoping that they were still here - somewhere.

_Please._

**

    Allen hummed happily under his breath as he wandered along the aisle in the bookshop, pausing to look at anything that took his fancy. Thankfully Lenalee had kept her promise, although not before adding another couple of bags to their pile and they had gone for lunch in one of the cafes, and now he was pleasantly full of Dango and getting to do the type of shopping he loved best. Lenalee had already gone off to see if there was anything that would interest her brother, as the older man had been moping about the house that morning when they left, as Lenalee had sternly put her foot down when he had offered to come along with them. Something Allen had been overwhelmingly grateful for, as he had gone out with Komui in the past and found that it was like being with a toddler - just a toddler, with the strength of an adult and one who could run circles around them when it came to debates.

    Marvelling yet again at the differences between his best friend and her brother, he found himself yelping in surprise as he turned and collided with a girl who had come up the aisle while he was distracted. Realising that he had knocked her off balance, he reached out without thinking to steady her, only to freeze as he caught her frightened squeak and he knew even before focusing on her what had upset her. Sure enough wide, blue eyes were fixated on his disfigured arm where the sleeve had slid back to reveal more of the burned skin. His breath hitched as he caught the look of revulsion that passed across her face before she could hide it, and he released her at once, stepping back as he pulled the arm against himself. _Damn it…_

    Neither of them seemed to know what to say or do, and Allen could feel his stomach beginning to churn as her gaze flickered between the arm he was clinging to and the scar on his face. This was why he disliked people. He knew that he wasn’t the only person in the world to have scars like this, and yet when people stared at him like that, it felt as though he was the only one and he swallowed hard. _Lenalee where are you?_ She always knew what to say in a situation like this, chasing people away in a manner that left them unable to say anything in protest or apology, both of which made him uncomfortable. However, she was clearly still busy on the other side of the shop, and he could feel panic beginning to creep through him, jumping when instead of Lenalee’s fiery voice, a softer but still familiar tone rang out from behind him.

“Is there a problem?”  Lavi had a pleasant expression on his face as he carefully eased past Allen to stand between the pair, but his gaze was fierce as he stared down at the girl, who finally seemed to have shaken off her shock.

“N-No,” she stammered, blushing as she realised what she had done and Allen winced when she turned guilty eyes towards him. “I’m sorry.” _No, you’re not,_ he thought bitterly, catching the way her gaze lingered on Lavi for a moment longer before turning and bolting down the aisle.

“Sheesh,” Lavi sighed, rubbing his head as he stared at her retreating back for a moment. That wasn’t how he’d imagined approaching Allen. It had actually been Lenalee that he had spotted first as he walked past peering in the shop windows, and he had managed to sneak in without her noticing in the hopes of finding Allen and pulling him aside for a quiet word. However, when he had turned into the aisle and caught sight the girl staring at the teen’s arm and the obvious tension in Allen’s shoulders he hadn’t been able to stop himself from stepping in. Lowering his hand, he offered the smaller teen a cheerful smile as he turned to look at him.  “Hi, Allen!”

“Why are you here?” Allen demanded shortly, glancing around to make sure that Lenalee was still engrossed in browsing the books, there was no sign of her, so he took that to mean she was still unaware of everything else, before turning his gaze back to Lavi and scowling up at him. He had hoped that the weekend at least would be completely free of this problem so that he could work out what he was going to do on Monday as Lenalee had warned him she’d promised they’d eat with Lavi and Kanda that day. Well, she had promised that she would, but it was an unspoken agreement that it would include both of them.

    It wasn’t that he wasn’t grateful for the intervention, he just didn’t know how to thank the older teen without encouraging him. He also had no idea what to make of the fact that Lavi made no attempt to look at his scars, without making it obvious that he was avoiding looking at them like most people did. He just didn’t know how to handle any of it, and it was easier to hide behind a blank mask and a scowl than risk letting someone else in.

“I…” Lavi swallowed, his courage temporarily abandoning him under the force of Allen’s glare - _for someone so small he can be terrifying._ It made him wonder how a boy like Allen had learned to develop an expression like that and he added that to his growing list of questions, before forcing a weak smile onto his face as he finally got his voice to work once more. “I wanted to apologise.” _Actually, there’s a lot more that I want to say, and know, but let’s start there._ He hadn’t missed the relieved expression that had passed over the boy’s face when the girl had fled, so he knew that he hadn’t screwed up completely, but it didn’t seem like it was going to encourage Allen to let him in.

“It isn’t necessary,” Allen replied coolly, fighting the urge just to turn around and leave. He couldn’t just walk out on Lenalee, and he didn’t want to drag her into this mess, and instead, he just hunched in on himself, hoping that Lavi would pick up on the fact that he wanted to be left alone.

“M…Allen please…” Lavi grimaced as he caught himself just in time, but it was clear from the knowing look he received that the younger boy hadn’t missed the slip. _Damn…_ “I’m not entirely sure what I did to upset you so much, but I really do want to apologise properly.” In the past he probably wouldn’t have worried this much, writing it off as another failure and promptly moving onto the next target, but he couldn’t - wouldn't do this time, and he gazed pleadingly at the shorter teen.

“Is that all?”

   _No!_ The word was on the tip of Lavi’s tongue, but he swallowed it back. There was a resigned expression on Allen’s face, but the anger in the silvery eyes had disappeared completely, and as much as Lavi wanted to press his advantage he knew that he couldn’t. He had a whole arsenal of flirty comments and pick-up lines at his disposal, words that he could use to try and make Allen realise that he was interested in him as more than a friend, but they weren’t words he could use, and not just because they hadn’t even reached the stage of being friends yet. _I have to do this properly,_ and so he bit back all the words bubbling up and instead settled for nodding quietly, watching as Allen worried at his bottom lip before glancing across to where they could now see Lenalee moving along the shelves before silvery eyes rose to meet his gaze once more.

“Fine.”

    Lavi expelled breath that he wasn’t even aware he’d been holding, realising that he was trembling slightly as he held Allen’s gaze.

“I’m sorry for what happened, I never meant to upset you,” he said softly, silently willing the younger boy to accept his apology and he thought that his heart might burst when he was rewarded with a small smile. It didn’t reach Allen’s eyes, but it was a vast improvement on his anger, and for now, Lavi was willing to take anything he could get.

“Apology accepted,” Allen’s voice had returned to the soft, polite tone he had used when they’d met, his expression slowly returning to its usual calmness as they both heard Lenalee calling his name, and Lavi made no effort to follow when the younger boy moved towards her. However, he was caught by surprise when Allen paused after a couple of steps and glanced back over his shoulder to add softly. “We’ll see you on Monday.” Lavi found himself frozen in place as Allen disappeared, and he watched from the shelter of the stacks as the pair of them paid for the book Lenalee had found before heading out of the shop, his heart doing a funny jig in his chest.

_Maybe,  just_ _maybe he will let me in…_

 


	4. Chapter 4

    Lavi had been like a kid on a sugar high after speaking to Allen. He’d spent the rest of the weekend in high spirits much to the irritation of the Old man, who had yelled at him more than once to be quiet and just get on with his work or to make himself useful helping to sort out the library. He thought that the old man was going to die of shock when he had turned around and agreed to help reorganise the books, as usually, it was a task that he avoided like the plague because trying to actually do it in the way the older man wanted was like mission impossible. However, he had been in such a good mood that nothing the older man could come out with, would dent his spirits and he had wanted something mindless to do so that he could work out what he was going to do next.

    As happy as he was that his apology had been accepted, the more sensible part of his mind kept trying to remind him that he hadn’t actually made any real progress in winning Allen round. If anything the apology had just got him back to the starting point, and while he tried not to dwell on that fact, instead focusing on the fact that he had at least made that much progress, a silly smile tugging at his lips as he recalled the way grey eyes had lightened at the end. And the fact that Allen had said that they would see him on Monday, which meant that the younger teen was no longer going to go out of his way to avoid him. Things were on the up, but he had to make sure that he didn’t put his foot in it again, and he had already made a mental note to tell Kanda not to call the younger teen ‘Moyashi’ to his face. Sure that he would get the blame even though it had been the dark-haired teen who had come up with it in the first place.

    The problem was that he had already worked out that flirting and teasing was definitely not the way to go about approaching Allen. Unfortunately, that was what he was best at, and the approach he had adopted in approaching in everyone recently. Kanda and Lenalee were exceptions as he had known them for years, and he had no romantic interest in either of them. So what was he supposed to do? _‘Act like yourself, the real you and not this stupid rabbit persona you’ve adopted’,_ a snide voice that sounded remarkably like Kanda’s rang through his head. He grimaced, slamming down the book he had been holding, only to wince as the Old man promptly whacked him on the back of his head as he passed by with a stack of books in his hand.

“OW! What the hell old man?!” He growled under his breath, deliberately keeping his voice low so that the wouldn’t gain a second clip around the head, sighing as he turned and retrieved the book he had just slammed down, well aware it was his abuse of the book that had earned him that punishment. Although it had probably also been a reminder to keep his mind on the task, the old geezer always seemed to know when his thoughts were wondering to topics that they shouldn’t be. Apparently, it was something to do with being a lecturer and a parent, but Lavi had long ago decided that there was something uncanny at work, although he had never voice that thought aloud, contrary to popular opinion he did have some common sense.

   He grimaced at that thought as he put the book back where it belonged before turning back to the stack he still had to go through. _‘Act like yourself’,_ Kanda had been the one to growl that at him when he had first begun to adopt his flirty persona, less than impressed with the change. Although that didn’t mean much, as he always seemed to be annoyed with Lavi regardless of who or what he was pretending to be and, so Lavi had never really given his words much weight. But now with the image of a certain white-haired teen constantly on his mind, he realised that he couldn’t ignore them, and he sighed as he rested his head against the shelves.

_So, acting like myself, huh? But what does that really mean….?_

****

    Monday came around much too quickly for Allen’s liking, and for once Lenalee was the one who was up first and struggling to drag him out of bed, apparently not caring in the least that she had burst in on him when he was sleeping in nothing but his boxers. He had blushed at that fact, but he couldn’t even summon the willpower to protest or ask her to leave, instead just burrowing deeper under his covers. It was only when she began to fuss around him with a worried expression, trying to check his forehead that he admitted defeat and allowed her to drag him out of bed, chasing her out of the room so that he could get ready. It had been a good weekend, they’d curled up for movie night after shopping on the Saturday, and then they’d spent the Sunday catching up on college work and helping Komui sort out his office. The latter turning out to be a mammoth task as they had discovered as he seemed to have managed to stash paperwork everywhere, and more than once they were alarmed to discover ancient science experiments buried underneath everything else.

    It had been amusing to watch Lenalee scolding the older man, although as always when he watched them interacting his amusement was tinged with longing. _I want that kind of family…_ While they had both done more than most people would make him feel welcome, he could never quite allow himself to forget the fact that he wasn’t part of their family. Sighing he pushed that thought aside, knowing that if he allowed it to take hold, then he wouldn’t be able to focus on anything else. He’d already had to deal with more than one awkward question at college, without his mind dredging up issues all on his own, and he sighed as he yanked on a shirt and instead turned his thoughts to the other issue that had been playing at the back of his mind all weekend.

     Lavi Bookman. He still wasn’t sure that he had done the right thing by allowing the older teen to apologise, let alone by accepting it, but there had been something in the pleading gaze that had made him give in. The problem now was though whether that meant that they were going to go back to how they had been before their ‘falling out’, and he pulled a face at that thought. He had been surprised that Lavi had even bothered to apologise, let alone been so insistent about it. He’d seen what the older teen was like, and his past experience with flirty people had led him to expect Lavi to be the same, and it was oddly disturbing to be proved wrong. He grimaced as he glanced across to the history book lying on his desk, remembering Lavi’s behaviour when he had handed it to him and trying to reconcile it with the teen that had tracked him down to the bookshop to apologise. _Which one is the real one?_

     He really wasn’t ready to deal with the redhead again, but both he and Lenalee had agreed to meet Lavi and Kanda for lunch, and no matter how uncomfortable it made him, Allen wasn’t one to go back on his word. Which meant that he was going to have to go, and hope that Lavi had got the hint that he didn’t appreciate his attention…or that he could use Lenalee as cover. As though summoned by his thoughts there was a loud knock on his bedroom door, and he jumped as she shouted at him.

“ALLEN HURRY UP!”

“I’m coming!” He called once he’d recovered, hastily sweeping his hair back up into a messy ponytail as he glanced at the clock, realising that he was going to be lucky to have the time to eat and he groaned. _Stupid Lavi making me think about unnecessary things at this time of the morning,_ he grumbled under his breath, darting around the room as he hastily through everything he needed into his bag before dashing out the door, nearly bowling over Lenalee who was waiting for him. He was in the middle of apologising when she held out a stack of toast towards him, and he was ready to fall down at her feet gushing his thanks as he grabbed it. His stomach rumbling as he took his first bite, and he let her tug him along as she headed for the door, more interested in scarfing down some food so that at least he wouldn’t need to deal with Lavi on an empty stomach.

****

    Lavi it seemed might actually be the least of his problems today, Allen realised as he fought back the urge to scowl as he caught the whispers behind him. He had noticed it when he’d first walked in his maths class that morning, but there was a renewed air of interest from his classmates and the feeling of their eyes on him as he’d claimed his seat had made him uneasy. And not for the first time he had found himself wishing that Lenalee was in all of his class. So far though he hadn’t had any problems, his arrival and his grades being enough to interest the other students and stopping them from focusing on other things. Like his arm - he glanced down at his scarred hand, feeling the ripple that went through those sitting closest to him and he couldn’t fight the urge to pull his sleeve down to cover it.

_So it begins…_

**

    Lavi could feel butterflies in his stomach as lunchtime came around, still unsure what it really meant to ‘act himself’ but determined to try if that was the only way to get through to Allen. Although considering that Kanda had already threatened to kill him twice since joining him ten minutes ago, he wasn’t sure that he was that successful. Although he had to admit that Kanda probably wasn’t the best person to measure himself against, as the dark-haired teen seemed incapable of being nice to anyone besides Lenalee. It hadn’t helped of course that he’d immediately pounced on Kanda when he’d arrived, and warned him not to call Allen ‘Moyashi’. He’d forgotten just how much the older teen hated being called Yuu in his enthusiasm, and he’d wound up with a sore head and a sinking feeling that the dark-haired teen was going to deliberately call Allen that nickname just to spite him.

    Still despite that apprehension he couldn’t stop the grin that spread across his face as he spotted Lenalee and Allen as they entered the cafeteria, although it faded slightly as he realised that Lenalee was shooting worried looks at the smaller teen and he immediately found himself wracking his brain for what he could have done this time. Only to remind himself that he hadn’t seen Allen apart from a quick glimpse in the distance so far today, which was mildly reassuring, although there was an unpleasant taste in his mouth at the thought that someone else might have upset the younger boy and he swallowed back the urge to demand to know what had happened. If Allen hadn’t told Lenalee, and from the confused look in her eyes, he hadn’t then there was no way he would tell Lavi, and he would probably look on it as the redhead interfering again.

“You made it,” He greeted them cheerfully instead when they reached the table, relieved to notice that Allen didn’t flinch away, nor the white-haired boy protest when Lenalee claimed the seat next to Kanda, leaving Allen to sit next to Lavi and the redhead had to force himself not to let his excitement show. Grey eyes met his gaze for a moment, and he froze, sensing that he was being judged and he could feel his usual flirty grin threatening to tug at his lips. _Be yourself. Don’t flirt, just be yourself,_ it was a mantra in the back of his head, and he sighed with relief when Allen finally gave him a small nod before glancing away. Whatever the test had been, it seemed that he had passed, at least for the time being.

“I said we would,” Lenalee pointed out, seemingly unaware of the interaction between the two of them as she pulled her lunch out of her bag before turning to look at him. “Did you have a good weekend?” So Allen hadn’t told her about the bookshop, he wasn’t sure what to make of that and he couldn’t stop himself from glancing at the younger teen who had already started on his lunch with a determined expression, clearly trying to stay out of the conversation.

“I got roped into helping the Old Panda with his books again,” he grumbled, beginning to turn back to Lenalee, only to pause as he caught the flicker of interest in Allen’s eyes as the younger boy looked up and he filed it away for future reference as Lenalee giggled at his put-upon tone before asking teasingly.

“How many times did he hit you this time?”

“You wound me…” Lavi began, before spying the disbelieving looks on Lenalee and Kanda’s faces and he sighed before admitting reluctantly. “Three.” He just hadn’t been able to keep his mind on the task, and while he hadn’t seen it as a problem. Apparently, the old man hadn’t agreed and eventually he had wound up being banished from the library to work on his coursework. He stuck out his tongue at Lenalee who was laughing at him, used to the interactions between himself and his guardian after all this time, even though she had been somewhat alarmed the first time she had experienced it. “At least I was productive, I bet Yuu spent the entire weekend meditating and practising kendo again. I already know he was finishing his history essay this morning,” he teased only to yelp as he had to dodge the irate swipe from the dark-haired teen, unsurprised when he didn’t get any sympathy from the others as he was well aware that he had walked into that one. However, he couldn’t help but wince as Kanda promptly got his revenge a moment later.

“What did you and the Moyashi get up to?”

    There was no missing the way grey eyes had flashed with irritation or the way that Allen’s gaze had focused on him for a moment and Lavi swallowed nervously. _Damn you, Yuu…_ However, a moment later the piercing gaze had shifted to Kanda, and for the first time, they were afforded a glimpse of a proper scowl on Allen’s face.

“My name is Allen…Jerkanda.” If it wasn’t for the flashing grey eyes, and the tension that had filled the air between Allen and Kanda, Lavi would have been tempted to laugh. Lenalee looked torn between shock and worry as she glanced between the pair, and Kanda looked utterly floored, having apparently not expected the younger teen to actually retaliate.

“What did you…?” Kanda began in a low growl.

“When is your next tournament?” Lenalee’s voice was slightly higher than normal as she cut him off, stepping in before it could escalate as she had caught the stubborn set to Allen’s jaw which told her that he had no intention of backing down. Kanda glowered at Allen once more, but he couldn’t deny Lenalee and Lavi let out a soft sigh of relief as the pair began to chat about Kanda’s Kendo activities and the tournament he had been entered for that was coming up and instead turned his attention solely to Allen. There was something in the younger teen’s expression that told him the boy had actually been looking for a fight, which was so at odds with his previous attitude that Lavi really wanted to know what had happened, but even as he watched Allen’s expression even out once more, and he turned back to his food without complaint.

_What was that about?_

**

    Lunch was nearly over, and Lavi had actually managed to elicit a couple of responses from Allen by switching the topics to classes, again noting the flicker of interest when books were mentioned, and Kanda had managed not to fight with the boy. Although the few times they had been forced to interact it was clear that the previous clash hadn’t been forgotten. Still, all in all, it had been a good meal, and Lavi was counting it as a half-step forward because he hadn’t managed to put his foot in it again even with Yuu using that cursed nickname after he’d asked him not to. Plus he could add ‘likes books’ to the very short list of information he had about the white-haired teen, and he was just contemplating marking it as a success when of course everything went down the drain.

“Lavi!” They were all caught by surprise as he was pounced on from behind, a bubbly, purple-haired woman draping herself against his shoulders and the redhead paled as he recognised Road. He had met her a couple of months ago, and they had flirted and exchanged numbers, but he had never got the chance to call her, and her number had been one of the ones he had deleted.

“Road…”

“You never called me,” she complained loudly, and Lavi winced as he caught the way Allen had stiffened on the other side of the table. “Lavi…”

“Sorry Road,” he muttered realising that she wasn’t going to leave without a response, and given that Lenalee and Kanda were watching the interaction with amusement and irritation respectively he knew that he wasn’t going to get any help from either of them. Sighing he pasted his usual grin on to his face, trying not to notice the way that grey eyes were darkening as Allen watched their interaction, and he missed the way Road was smirking at the white-haired boy, more interested in getting her to go away before she destroyed his chances completely.  “I’ve been busy with classes recently, forgive me?”  It was depressingly easy to slide back into his flirty persona, and the butterflies from earlier were now dancing an unpleasant jig in his stomach.

“Fine…” She pouted, and expression that a few weeks would have had him falling at her feet and trying his best to win a proper smile from her, but now all it did was make him want to groan. “But you’d better call,” she added, leaning in to kiss his cheek before pressing a slip of paper which no doubt had her number into his hand. “Promise me?” Lavi didn’t want to make that promise, unable to forget all the numbers he had just disposed of or the reason why, but in the end, he gave a small nod in the hopes of getting her to leave. Trying not to look at Allen as she pressed another teasing kiss to his cheek before releasing him and heading towards the door with a bounce in her step.

   Lavi wanted to curse, watching as Allen’s expression close off as silver eyes lingered a moment too long on the note in his hand, the blank mask dropping back into place as he turned his attention back to his meal without a word. And disappointment and worry pooled in Lavi’s stomach at the sight, his fingers clenching as crushed the note in his hand.

_Half a step forward, two steps back apparently…_

****

    Lenalee knew that something had happened, or maybe more than one thing. Something had definitely been bothering Allen when they met to go to lunch, but as he had seemed as enthusiastic about food as always, she had pushed it aside and decided to broach it later when they were alone. However, he had been completely quiet ever since they had left the canteen and she was wracking her brain to try and work out what could have upset him. There was no way for her to ignore it this time because even her attempts to draw him into a discussion about the text they were studying in literature couldn’t draw him into conversation and normally there was no stopping him when she brought up books. It was the lost expression on his face that made up her mind though, and she quietly led him up to their usual seats at the back of the room, waiting until he was settled before reaching out to grab his hand.

“Allen?” It took longer than it should have for him to look at her, and it was hard to hide her frown as she asked softly. “Is everything all right?” _Please don’t lie to me,_ she added silently as she caught the way his expression had immediately clouded over.

“I’m fine…”

“Allen,” Lenalee sighed in exasperation if she had one wish it would be to banish that word from his vocabulary. He had always used it, even when they were younger, adopting a polite smile and telling everyone that he was ‘fine’ even when he was falling apart inside. The only good thing was that she had learned how to see through it almost immediately, and she had been relieved to find that, that ability hadn’t faded over their years apart. It was how she could tell that there was something bothering him now, even though most people would have just put it down to his usual quietness, she just wished that she had the ability to know what it was. She pressed closer to his side and wrapped an arm around him, well aware that she was one of the only people who could get away with doing that, offering him her best attempt at pleading eyes. “Please?”

“I…”

“You’ve got too used to being on your own,” she muttered, seeing him trying to find the words and failing, and guessing at the reason behind it. Her expression darkened for a moment, and she glanced away, not wanting him to see her anger, even though he would know that it wasn’t aimed at him, after all, she had made her opinion of his guardian very public. _I want to help you, I want you to remember that you’re not alone._ It was tempting to grab him, and try and force him to tell her what was going on, something that she would have done when they were younger…but he had been through a lot since then, and she didn’t want to push him away, and so she sighed in defeat as she lifted her head to look at him once more. “I won’t push for too much right now, but I want you to try and remember that I’m here and Komui is too.” Her brother had been the one who had insisted that she invite Allen to live with them when she had learned Cross had every intention of going away even if her friend had nowhere to go. And while he didn’t show it as often as she did, he clearly worried about Allen too, and not just because he was her best friend. _We want to be your family if you’d just let us…_

“Thanks, Lenalee,” Allen whispered, leaning his head against her shoulder for a moment to show his gratitude and not just for her words. Acknowledging the fact that she hadn’t brought up the other issues that he had been able to see in her eyes as she spoke, unable to bear the thought of having to deal with anything else at the moment. However, there was a heavy feeling in his chest as he sat up a minute later as their teacher walked in and his eyes were stormy as he stared down at his hands which had clenched on top of the desk.

_How can I tell you? I don’t even know what the problem is…_

 


	5. Chapter 5

   Lavi was ready to bang his head against the table as he glanced across at Allen. He had half expected Allen to start avoiding him again after the fiasco with Road. However, while he was relieved that Allen seemed to have abandoned that technique, for now, still turning up at lunch when Lenalee did, and the few times they passed in the corridor he would receive a small nod, it seemed as though the barriers that had been keeping him at bay had strengthened. Their conversations if you could even call them that was stilted, to say the least, and not even books or talking about their classes could elicit a proper response from the white-haired teen. _Damn it Road…_ She really couldn’t have had worse timing, and he’d caught her in the distance a couple of times since then, watching both him and Allen, and it made him a little uneasy, and it had stopped him from just disposing of her number. The last thing he needed was for her to take her frustrations out on Allen.

    Speaking of frustrations, he sighed as he realised that at some point while he’d been lost in his thoughts, Allen and Kanda had clashed about something and were now glowering at one another, the air between them practically crackling with animosity. He could kind of understand it with Yuu because while he and Lenalee seemed fairly immune to the dark-haired teen’s sharp tongue and prickly personality, they were among a very small number who could…but there seemed to be something more to it over the last couple of days. If he didn’t know better, he would have said that Allen was deliberately seeking out conflict with Kanda, and didn’t that leave an uneasy feeling in the pit of his stomach? He definitely didn’t know Allen that well, and nowhere near as well he wanted to, but it didn’t match the impression he had of the teen. He also hadn’t missed the worried glances Lenalee was shooting her best friend, in between her attempts to diffuse the arguments between him and Kanda.

“I’m going ahead,” Allen announced suddenly as he rose to his feet, glaring at Kanda for a moment, before turning and smiling at Lenalee who had immediately begun to set aside her food as well, before he added in a more normal tone. “Finish your lunch, I’ll see you later.” There was still an edge to his voice that Lavi had never heard before, and he caught the way that Lenalee’s hands tightened against the table for a moment, protests clearly forming before she sighed and managed a small smile.

“Okay, I will see you in class.” Relief flashed through the silver eyes for a moment, and Lavi caught the way that it was matched with a dimming of her smile and he was tempted to try and say something. Then those silver eyes were on him, unreadable and somehow frightening in their distance and any thoughts of speaking disappeared. _Allen…_

    The white-haired teen nodded to him, which was better than nothing he supposed before shooting a glare at Kanda as he turned and left, the dark-haired teen snarling something unpleasant sounding under his breath, causing Lenalee to round on him with a scowl. As amusing as Lavi usually found it to watch the dark-haired teen being scolded, his attention was on Allen as the younger teen headed for the door, watching the way he flinched away from the slightest contact. Noting the way he had tucked his scarred hand into his side, plainly trying to hide from people now, when before he had been subtler about trying not to draw attention to it.

“Lenalee…” He hesitated as he turned back to the other two who were still bickering, Kanda pouting at getting scolded and Lavi sighed. He didn’t really want to get into the middle of that, and he wasn’t sure that he should be asking. However, catching sight of the leftover food where Allen had been sitting, he was stunned to realise that he hadn’t noticed that the younger teen hadn’t even finished eating his lunch, something that hadn’t happened before, he forced himself to continue. “Is something going on with Allen?”

“Why are you asking?” Lenalee’s attention immediately swung to him, protectiveness practically radiating from her and Lavi hastily held up his hands, he’d known that she was worried, but he hadn’t been expecting that kind of reaction.

“I…” _I’m worried about him too. I want to help him. I want to get to know him._ There was a whole list of responses hovering on the end of his tongue, but he knew that they were only going to add to the current mess, and he wasn’t quite ready to admit just how interested he was in Allen, especially not in front of Lenalee when she seemed ready to fight to protect Allen. Instead, he shrugged and tried to adopt a nonchalant expression, something that had been a lot easier before he began trying to act more like himself, and he could see the doubt in her expression as he added softly.  “He just seemed off, that’s all.”   

“I don’t know,” Lenalee’s reply was so quiet that he would have missed it if he wasn’t watching her closely, and he winced as all traces of her usual smile disappeared completely. “He won’t talk to me, and I thought that I could still read him, but…” _Apparently not…_ She thought with a sigh as she glanced across at the abandoned lunch, her expression darkening at the sight of it. “I don’t know what to do,” she admitted reluctantly.

    Lavi had no idea how to react to that confession. It wasn’t like he had any better ideas, especially as Allen was keeping his distance from him as well and he worried at his bottom lip. Somehow he had been hoping that she would have some clue as to what was going on, hoping for some reassurance that it wasn’t all his fault. Instead, Lenalee’s reply had made his stomach twist even more unpleasantly than before, and he glanced towards the door where Allen had disappeared through a moment before, wondering whether one of them should have chased after him. He turned back to Lenalee after a moment, about to suggest just that, only to come up short as he realised that Kanda had abandoned them at some point, and his stomach lurched. _Oh no…_

“Where did Yuu go?”

**

   _What the hell am I doing?_ Allen pondered as he slumped against the wall a short distance from the cafeteria, closing his eyes for a moment as he tried to gather himself. It had been a terrible week ever since that lunch with Road bursting in on them, and why the hell was that still bothering him? He hadn’t been able to tear his thoughts away from the way she had interacted with Lavi or the fact that the red-head had accepted her number - again by the sound of it. _Why do I care?_ It didn’t help that, that day seemed to have been the catalyst for everything going wrong - the unwelcome attention he had attracted in maths before lunch that day, only seeming to intensify since that day. Apart from Lenalee was there of course, and he hated the thought that she was unknowingly acting as a shield for him. It was part of the reason why he was keeping her at arm’s length, a decision that was hurting both of them, but he didn’t want to drag her into the mess that was his life any more than he already had.

    It was clear that she knew that something was wrong because he had caught her watching him intently whenever she thought he was distracted, and Komui had pulled him aside the night before to ask him if everything was all right, which meant that she must’ve raised her worries with him. He’d managed to muster some kind of smile and reply, flustered by the fact that the older man had cared enough to ask and sensing that it wasn’t just for Lenalee’s sake, and didn’t that just add to the confused mess that was his thoughts and feelings at the moment? Sighing he opened his eyes once more, vaguely thinking of heading to his next class so that he could claim a back seat so that he could avoid some of the stares and whispers. Although all he really wanted to do was go home or hide in the library, but he knew if he missed class it would get back to Komui and Lenalee and just cause them more concern. _I’m screwed either way,_ he realised with a bitter twist of his lips and didn’t that just sum up his life he thought as he pushed himself away from the wall, only to come up short as he finally realised that he was no longer alone.

“What do you want Kanda?” He demanded coolly, hating the fact that he had to lift his head to meet Kanda’s gaze and feeling his hands curling defensively at his sides.

“I don’t like you,” Kanda stated, as blunt and straight to the point as ever, and for once Allen appreciated it. After everything that had been going on in and around classes, and the weird tension he felt around Lavi, and the distance he had been putting between Lenalee it was a relief to be faced with such brutal honesty, and he couldn’t stop the small quirk of his lips, even as Kanda glared at him.  “But you’re Lenalee’s friend, so I am willing to tolerate you. However, I won’t tolerate you hurting her.”

“I…”

“You might not be meaning to, but she’s hurting right now,” Kanda cut across his protest, his tone sharper than before. Not that Allen had really anything to protest with because he knew that Lenalee was hurting and that he was the one hurting her. She had always been so open with her emotions, so easy to read and that hadn’t changed, and not for the first time he couldn’t help but wonder why she had chosen to be friends with someone like him. He snapped out of his thoughts as Kanda grabbed his shoulder, shaking him briefly to drag his attention back to the present and he flinched at the close contact, lips pulling back in a defensive snarl that Kanda ignored completely as he continued. “If she’s really your friend, think about what the hell you’re doing Moyashi.”

“What the hell would you know Jerkanda?” Allen snapped back before he could stop himself, wincing as the words left his lips. _What the hell am I doing?_ Kanda’s eyes narrowed at the retort, and the smaller teen found himself bracing for an attack, well aware that he had probably just made the situation worse. It seemed to be the only thing he could do at the moment. Instead, he was caught by surprise as a knowing expression passed across Kanda’s face, the hand on his shoulder tightening for a moment before he was released as the taller teen stepped back.

“I know you’re lying - to her, to yourself and to us,” Kanda replied simply, his expression settling back into its normal blank mask as he turned and walked away, not giving Allen a chance to retort. Although Allen doubted that he could’ve at the moment, swallowing as he glanced down, his gaze lingering for a moment on his scarred hand as it curled into a fist and he sighed.

_You’re not telling me anything I don’t know…_

 ****

    It was getting worse. Allen had practically fled the classroom at the end of the day, forgetting all about meeting Lenalee outside of her classroom, retreating to the library. He had learned a long time ago that it was one of the safest places to be, especially at the end of the day and so he grabbed a random book from a shelf and retreated to the furthest booth he could find, completely blind to the familiar figure who had frozen at the sight of him. He didn’t want to notice. He didn’t want to let the world in, and he hastily dropped into the seat and yanked the book open, desperately willing his mind to get lost in the printed words, wanting to block out the whispers and pointed looks that he had faced all afternoon. However, his mind just wouldn’t focus on the book, memories surging to the fore and after a few minutes, he abandoned his efforts, slumping against the desk and burying his face against the pages of the book.  

_Freak! Monster! Ugly! There had been a time when he had almost believed that those words were his name, rather than Allen, catching himself turning towards them… His scarred arm tucked against him, a weak attempt at hiding it from sight, not that there was much point. Everyone knew about it, and whenever new people started at the school, they were quickly filled in…after all, they couldn’t be allowed to make friends with the freak…it was a scheme that had worked for a long time, leaving Allen alone and on the periphery of his class despite the teacher’s fruitless attempts at involving him…until Lenalee had arrived…_

_He had been huddled in the corner of the library, taking refuge under the stern gaze of the librarian even though it was lunchtime and he was starving…but the discomfort from his stomach was easier to face than the thought of trying to fetch his bag from the cloakroom or going to the canteen. He could eat later…maybe…depending on how his guardian felt that evening, but it was still safer than venturing out before it was time for class._

_“Allen?” The quiet voice had made him jump, and he’d clutched the book he was reading defensively against his chest as he looked up, blinking in surprise as he found the new girl standing in front of him with a worried expression. “It is Allen right…?”_

_“Y-yeah…” He hadn’t really known how to respond, it was a long time since any of his classmates had actually used his name. And he had thought that the others would have grabbed her and told her to keep her distance, but even as he studied her, he realised that she hadn’t once glanced at his hand and she wasn’t staring at his face either. “Er…”_

_“I’m Lenalee Lee,” she introduced herself with a warm smile, and he found himself staring wide-eyed at her. She smiled…at me? He drew back slightly, fearing a trap, only to freeze when a hurt expression passed over her face before she banished it, sinking slowly into the chair opposite him. “What are you reading?” She asked quietly, and he glanced down at the book he was clutching fairly sure she could see the title, and it took him a moment to realise that she was trying to start a conversation…that she actually wanted to talk to him, and his voice wavered slightly when he finally managed to get it working again._

_“I-It’s a book about local m-myths…”_

     Allen felt a small smile tugging at his lips, even as he slowly sat up and dashed at the tears that had managed to escape without him realising. They had spent the rest of that lunchtime talking about his book, and then she had walked back to class with him and claimed the seat beside him. The seat that everyone else had refused to fill and that was where she had stayed. It hadn’t mattered what the others had said to her or him, she had refused to waver, even going so far as to step in when they taunting him, unfazed when their angry, hurtful words turned on her as well. _It was easier back then._ It had taken him a while to open up properly to her, still suspecting a trap, but it was easier to read people at that age - they were open in their hatred of him, and their confusion over why she wanted to be friends with him.

   Now they hid it behind polite words and expressions when others were nearby, and he had seen some of the people who had been busy whispering behind him in class talking and laughing with Lenalee as though nothing was going on. It was a game, and he was the target…again. He knew that he should tell her, that staying silent was only hurting both of them, but he didn’t want to rely on her for protection again. She had already done a lot for him, and she was settled here - these were her friends, her classmates and just because they had been friends for longer didn’t mean that he was more important than them, or that he had the right to get between them.

_But, I don’t know if I can do this on my own…_

**

    Lavi had spotted Allen practically running into the library, and he had been ready to go after the white-haired teen when he had caught sight of the younger’s expression. He had been visibly close to tears, no sign of the mask to be seen and the red-head had found himself frozen in place at the sight of the pain and fear warring for control in Allen’s expression. _What the hell is going on?_ He wanted that mask gone so that he could understand Allen so that he could get closer to him, but not like this and he watched as Allen snatched a book off the shelf and retreated into the far corner of the library – hiding. It was something that he was familiar with. Whenever a date had gone wrong, his loneliness kicking in once more Lavi would do the same thing, burying himself either here or in the town library and hiding until his defences were back up, which was why he was now torn between what to do. A large part of him wanting to go and try and find out what was happening. Especially after what had happened at lunchtime and the fact that he hadn’t been able to get a straight answer out of Kanda when he had tracked down the surly teen to ask where he had disappeared too, but on the other hand he could understand the need to be alone.

   In the end, he had stayed where he was, wary of putting his foot in it again and reasoning that unlike when he hid away in here, Allen had people who would look for him. Although something was telling him that right now Allen didn’t even want Lenalee to find him, and Lavi hoped that he could at least act as a shield, even if he wouldn’t get thanked for it. Still, it was impossible for him to focus on his essay, the words he was trying to read blurring in front of his eyes, and he groaned. He could just imagine the old man giving him hell for being this distracted because of a crush. But Allen is different, he thought as he glanced back towards the far corner of the library, wishing that he had a  clear line of sight, although he knew that he wouldn’t have been able to resist the temptation to go across if he could actually see the younger teen.

     It was nearly an hour later that he finally spotted Allen again, somewhat relieved to see that his mask was back in place again, although there was lingering pain in the silver eyes as he glanced down at his phone and Lavi was willing to bet he had a whole sleuth of messages from Lenalee at this point. He ducked his head as Allen glanced around, not wanting to get caught staring, watching out of the corner of his eye as the other teen returned his book before heading for the door. His hands curling against the desk as he caught the way Allen visibly hesitated before slipping out of the door and his eye narrowed in concern.

_What are you hiding from?_

**

   Allen sighed as he texted Lenalee, he had turned his phone too silent when he entered the library, and now he had nearly twenty missed calls and a lot of texts and voicemails from his best friend, and he felt fresh guilt as he took in the increasingly worried tone to them. Kanda’s words from earlier echoing through his mind once more, and he knew that he was going to have to tell her something when he got home to make up for this, he just wasn’t sure what he was going to say. He didn’t want her to know how bad things were, and he still had no idea what to tell her about the other problems he was having - like Lavi. His brow furrowed at that thought before his phone pinged again, and he scanned the message before tucking it away, he had the walk home to work something out.

    He had just rounded the corner of the corridor, still lost in thoughts when he collided with someone and he automatically reached out to steady them, an apology already on the tip of his tongue. An apology that he never got to say, as the girl he had collided with flinched away from his touch before her companions pushed him away, and his stomach dropped as he recognised some of his classmates. The same ones he was fairly sure were responsible for the shift in focus from his transfer and grades to his arm and scar. And he defensively drew the limb against himself as he realised that was why she had flinched away from him, his expression clouding as he took another step back, not wanting to give them more ammunition against him.

_Don’t show weakness…keep walking…keep walking…_

   There had been a time when that mantra was the only thing he had to get him through school and his home-life, and as it rang through his mind, he flinched. He’d naively allowed himself to think that he had left those words behind, that he wouldn’t need them here. He had Lenalee - who he had been pushing away he thought with a sigh, feeling his phone vibrating in his pocket but ignoring it as he realised that three pairs of eyes were fixed on him, struggling to stop himself from swallowing nervously as he caught the storm in their eyes. He knew those expressions, he had witnessed them far too many times not to, and his other arm came up around himself in a defensive self-hug. His stomach churning unpleasantly as he realised that he allowed himself to get used to the peace and quiet and that not showing any weakness was a skill he had allowed himself to forget at some point.

“Allen there you are,” a loud voice rang out a split second before his classmates could say anything, and he caught the way their expressions immediately shifted into more neutral ones as he turned around, not sure what to make of the odd sensation in his stomach as he found Lavi leaning against the wall. The red-head offered him a small smile before his expression hardened slightly as his attention shifted to the other three, and there was a glint in the emerald eye that said he knew exactly what was going on, even as he asked pleasantly. “Is everything all right here?” Apparently, his classmates weren’t willing to go against their senior, and with muttered excuses they turned and hurried away, causing Allen to sag against the wall even as he tried to avoid looking at Lavi. “Allen?”

“I’m fine.” That response was probably so ingrained in him now that he would say it even if he were lying there bleeding to death, and he was unsurprised when the red-head scoffed at his reply. For all that the older teen seemed to be little more than a playboy, it was obvious that he was observant as well. Which wasn’t a good thing as far as Allen was concerned, because made it harder for him to hide, and as he glanced up and caught the concerned expression on Lavi’s face, he bristled. _Don’t look at me like that…_

“Allen…” Lavi said cautiously, pushing himself away from the wall and taking a small step towards Allen, feeling very much like he was approaching a small, frightened animal as he caught the way that Allen backed away. He had known that the encounter he’d stumbled into wasn’t a friendly one, and as far as he was concerned Allen’s reactions were confirming that. He was relieved that he had given into the temptation to chase after the younger teen, but now he knew that he had to be careful because he could literally see the barriers coming up around Allen.

“What are you going to say?” Allen demanded, his voice like ice, taking a defensive stance before the red-head could get too close. He could see the worry and concern, and the knowing expression - Lavi knew what was happening, and that realisation felt like a leaden weight in his stomach. He didn’t want anyone to know, and of all people, it was Lavi that had found out, and his hands clenched at his side as he tried to clamp down on the odd feeling of relief that was slipping through the dread. _I don’t want him to know. I don’t want his help…_ He faltered for a moment, hearing the lie in his own words and hearing an echo of Kanda’s words, but as he realised that Lavi had used his distraction to move closer, he lashed out again. “That they were lying? That they didn’t mean it? Are you going to tell me that it isn’t understandable, that you don’t think the same when you look at this?” He knew that he was being unfair even as he brandished his scarred arm, and he wished that he could take the words back as he caught the pained expression on Lavi’s face.

“I….”

“This is nothing new,” Allen said more softly, unable to stop the words even as he managed to lower his arm once more. “I’ve lived through it before; I can survive it again.”

“You shouldn’t have to.” Lavi pointed out softly, giving up on his efforts to try and work out what would and wouldn’t set the younger teen off. He wanted to reach out and grab Allen, to show him that he didn’t care about those scars, that he didn’t understand what Allen’s classmates had been doing, but he wasn’t an idiot. That would definitely push the younger teen away, and as bad as this conversation was, he didn’t want that to happen, because finally, he was catching a glimpse of what lay beneath the surface.

“Maybe not,” Allen’s lips twisted into a bitter smile, his fingers trembling as he reached up to brush them over the scar on his face. _A silver blur flashing through the air…pain splitting apart his face…blood on his lips…on his tongue,_ he swallowed thickly before adding harshly. “But life isn’t fair, the sooner you learn that the better...” It was a lesson he had allowed himself to forget, letting himself believe that things could be different this time and his hand slowly fell away, only for him to flinch as he realised that Lavi had closed the distance between them and was reaching for his hand. “Stay away from me…” He hissed as he twisted away. _Don’t let him get close…life isn’t fair…don’t trust him..._

“Allen…”

“Don’t…” Allen shook his head, faltering for a second as he caught the expression on Lavi’s face before he turned and dashed away down the corridor.

_Don’t show weakness…keep walking…keep walking…_

_Keep walking on your own…_

 


	6. Chapter 6

_‘Life isn’t fair…the sooner you learn that, the better…”_

    Lavi sighed as Allen’s words rang through his head once more, just as they had all weekend to the point where he had been completely unable to concentrate on anything, and worse the old man was out of town so he couldn’t even use him to distract him. A bitter smile twisted his lips, his fingers trailing up his cheek, much as Allen had brushed his fingers over his scar before saying those cursed words, and he faltered as he felt the material of his eyepatch. _I know life isn’t fair,_ he thought, closing his other eye as he tried to stave off the memory of how he had lost this one, fingers pressing on the patch for a moment before he yanked them away. Maybe he should have said that to Allen. Perhaps that would have convinced the younger teen that he could be trusted, he grimaced at the mere thought of it. It had been years since he had spoken about the night he lost his eye and his parents. He sighed again before rolling onto his side, staring at the pile of books and homework waiting for him on the desk before scowling and lunging for his phone.

     He held it tightly, staring at it for a long minute before reaching out and fumbling in the top drawer of the bedside table and yanking out Road’s number. _Just to hang out,_ he thought as he typed in the number, that would at least satisfy her and hopefully divert her attention from Allen, and it would help take his mind off everything that was running through his head. It wouldn’t go anywhere anyway, and it wouldn’t hurt. His finger was hovering over the call button when he blinked, growling softly under his breath. _What the hell am I thinking?_ He had promised himself that he was going to change, and yet the second things went wrong he found himself falling back into old habits. His grip tightened on the phone for a minute, before he sighed and deleted the number, hesitating for a minute before he glanced at the piece of paper for a long moment before gritting his teeth and tearing it to pieces.  

_Damn it…_

****

    Allen was sprawled on his bed, his schoolbooks piled abandoned on the floor beside him. He had managed to get through most of his work, using the mundane task in an attempt to clear his mind and keep the unwelcome thoughts and memories at bay. However, it could only work to a certain extent, and about an hour ago he had finally admitted defeat…

_He was huddled in the corner of ‘his room’, it still didn’t feel like it belonged to him. It was just an empty space where the foster carers had stuffed him. There was evidence that other children had been here, photos on the walls, toys in boxes downstairs. Proof that once this had been a happy home, filled with laughter and normal children. Normal children. He had known the moment he had been dropped here that something was wrong, he had seen it in their eyes the moment they saw his arm. He had been waiting for them to turn him away, heard their hushed whispers as they spoke with the social worker, knowing that he wasn’t what they had been expecting or what they wanted, and yet eventually he had been allowed to stay._

_He wished that they had just turned him away. It would have been less painful than this. The woman ignored him completely, it was like he didn’t exist, but that was fine, he was used to that. Even when he’d had Mana, school had never been kind so he could deal with that kind of treatment. No, it was the man, continually watching him with a mixture of fear and hatred in his eyes that scared him the most, and that had been before he had raised a hand against him. They hadn’t wanted a scarred, deformed child he was told. They didn’t want a child who had lost both parents and adoptive parent. A cursed child and the man was determined to make sure Allen knew that. He had tried, once to escape, to get help - but who would believe a child like him against foster parents with a previously exemplary record?_

_He was trapped…_

_He was dragged out of his thoughts by the sound of the door opening, and he immediately shrank back in the corner, knowing that it wouldn’t help as the man entered. He didn’t look like a monster. He was middle-aged, brown hair already grey at the edges and beginning to recede and blue eyes that were kind in all the photos Allen had seen of him. Now though, they were anything but kind, looking reddening and somewhat crazed as he prowled towards Allen, and the boy whimpered, biting his lip to try and stifle the sound._

_“Get up,” the command was soft, but Allen knew better than to disobey. He still had the bruises, hidden beneath his shirt to show what happened when he did, and blinking back tears he scrambled to his feet, hoping that his quick obedience would buy him some mercy. It didn’t…._

_Faster than he could follow, not that he would have been able to do anything about it even if he had, the man reached out and grabbed him by the front of his shirt, lifting him easily off the ground. It was a reminder of how weak he was, how small in comparison to this man, and this time he couldn’t stop himself from speaking up, from begging for mercy even though he knew the words would fall on deaf ears._

_“Please…”_

_“Silence.” It wasn’t the order that silenced him though, rather the knife that was suddenly worryingly close to his face, and Allen’s eyes widened as the blade delicately traced a path down the side of his face, highly aware that the slightest bit of pressure would draw blood. “So innocent,” the man muttered, fingers tightening in his shirt. “You’re a devil, wearing an angel’s face…that’s how we ended up stuck with you.”_

_Allen shook his head wildly, even as the words crawled deeper and deeper under his skin. It wasn’t the first time he had heard something like that, but something told him that this was different. This wasn’t just words meant to hurt. The man truly believed what he was saying, and intended to do something about it, and a chill swept over him as he realised that there was nothing that he could do to stop it._

_“Maybe I should make a sign,” the man mused, dragging Allen’s attention back to him. “Just here,” the knife tapped against the skin just above his left eye, and Allen winced, feeling the blade slicing into the skin ever so slightly, tremors wracking his body as the man leant in. “So that no one else will be fooled by that angelic face.”_

_“No!” It hadn’t taken him long to realise that this was different from the usual threats that were levelled at him, terror churning in his stomach as the fingers around his chin tightened trapping him in place, his silver eyes wide as he stared at the knife. “Please! I’ll be good! I’ll be….” His words cut off as there was a flash of silver, the blade moving towards him faster than he could follow. Then there was nothing but fire, a sickening fire that blazed down the left side of his face, his voice trapped for a moment as shock washed over him. Then the fire was spreading, the pain intensifying as he felt blood beginning to trickle down his face, and suddenly he was crying. Shrieking with pain, grabbing at the wound even though all it did was cause him more pain, barely aware of the cruel words that followed before the man left him there, blood and tears on his cheeks._

_“Now everyone will see the monster you really are…”_

    Allen jerked back to the present, his heart pounding in his chest and his breathing coming in desperate pants, fingers scrabbling at his cheek in response to the memory of pain. To this day he didn’t think he had felt anything as painful, and his stomach churned as he squeezed his eyes shut, desperately trying to block out the memory before he lost control of his stomach. _It’s just a memory. It’s in the past…_ Those words gave him little comfort because while the event itself and the pain were in the past, the scar wasn’t. It hadn’t been until the bandages had finally been removed that he’d realised that it hadn’t just been a straightforward gash, that the man had taken the time to trace a pentacle into his skin, his actions lost in the overwhelming pain. And while it hadn’t driven everyone away, it had driven many away and turned many harsh words and worried glances in his direction. _A monster._ Allen grimaced, pressing the palms of his hand into his eyes, trying to block it all out.

    The only good thing that had come from that incident was that it had been too visible, there had been no way for him to hide it, or for it to be passed off as an accident. He had finally been removed from that house, and after a couple of months of passing from home to home, no one knowing what to do with a scarred child like him… _a cursed child_ …he had finally been taken in by Marian Cross. The older man was a terrible guardian, and his own actions had more than once landed them both in hot water, and Allen had lost track of the number of times he had been forced to do unpleasant and borderline illegal things to protect them both, but Cross had never feared him. It was clear that he wasn’t overly fond of the scar on his face, or the burns that covered his arm, but he had never feared him, and never hurt him because of them. In his own way, he had been kind, and he had looked after Allen…more or less.

“Damn it,” he snarled, letting his arms fall down to the side and trying not to look at his scarred one, instead lashing out at the wall. “Why the hell am I thinking about this now.” The memories never faded, no matter what people had tried to tell him back then, but he usually managed to keep them trapped at the back of his mind. _Damn that Lavi,_ he caught himself with that thought, knowing that while the red-head hadn’t helped, he wasn’t to blame for this. His classmates were, it had been like stepping back into the past, and it had allowed the memories to surge up once more and he didn’t know how to stop it. He didn’t know how to keep walking anymore, and he squeezed his eyes shut, feeling tears prickling at the corner of his eyes.

_Mana…how do I keep walking this time?_

**

    He was dragged out of his thoughts nearly ten minutes later by the sound of the door opening, and he hastily sat up and dashed a hand across his eyes as he realised that it was Lenalee, not wanting her to see his tears even as he scowled at her for bursting in without knocking. Not that he could really blame her as he had been avoiding her all weekend, holing up in his room as much as possible, because he knew that it wouldn’t take long for her to see through his mask. Apparently, she had got fed up of waiting for him though, and he swallowed nervously as she marched across to him, settling on the edge of the bed and leaving him trapped against the wall. It had been a long time since she had done this, and she was a lot more terrifying this time around as she stared at him with narrowed eyes, and he felt himself squirming under the force of her gaze. It had been hard enough avoiding her and trying to deal with this himself with her around, and he could already feel himself wavering as she reached out to grab his hand. His scarred hand, he noted vaguely, warmth blossoming at the ease at which she did it, even if he really wasn’t ready to face the inquisition.

“Allen?” Something must’ve shown in his expression, because her own had softened a little, her voice gentle as she squeezed his fingers gently and he fought to hold back his words. In the past that simple gesture and that soft voice would have been enough to have him spilling out all his secrets, and he could see from the disappointment in her eyes that she had been expecting it to be the same, and he sighed, fingers curling around hers in apology. _Too much has changed,_ the words weighed heavily on him, unspoken because he didn’t want to hurt her any more than he already had, dismayed as he realised just how true they were. Part of him still longed to lean on her, to let her be his family like she wanted…but everything had changed since they were younger, he had experienced too much since then to risk it. A few minutes of comfort wasn’t going to change anything, it… “It’s happening again isn’t it?” Her quiet question cut through his whirling thoughts, and he froze, staring wide-eyed at her for a moment, catching the knowing look in her eyes. _She knows?_

“I…” Allen couldn’t hold her gaze, and he glanced down. Memories of his childhood and Kanda’s words echoing through his head, and for a minute he contemplated telling her what was going on. Then the image of a little Lenalee standing up for him flashed through his mind, and his hands curled into fists at his side, he couldn’t let that happen again, and with a sigh, he shook his head. “I don’t know what you mean.”

“Allen,” Lenalee wanted to be angry with him, wanted to hate the fact that even after all this time, after everything they had done together he still tried to hide from her. But it was impossible for her to be angry with him, not when she had seen the pain in his eyes when she first walked in, now poorly hidden behind his mask. Not when she could see the evidence of tears on his cheeks, or when she had noticed how he had reacted to her taking his hand. It had been that final one that had confirmed her suspicions after a long weekend of puzzling over the few clues he had dropped around her. It had been the same when they were younger and had moved up to a new school, he had been worried he would ‘taint’ her or ruin her other friendships, and so he would hide. She hadn’t allowed it then, and she would be damned if she was going to let it happen now and she reached out to brush away the lingering tears on his cheek, feeling him tensing at the gentle touch. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

   _She knew._ There was no denying that now, as he flashed back to how she had stormed into his bedroom once and asked the same questions, hands on her hips as she eyed the bruise around his eye and the split lip when the bullying had taken a physical turn. His stomach was tying itself in knots, torn between relief that now she knew and he hadn’t been forced to say anything. He hadn’t been the one to mess everything up. And alarm at the thought that she knew, and the knowledge that she was never going to just let it go.  Allen froze, not knowing what to say or do, and the breaking point came a moment later when she took the silence as confirmation, leaning forward and wrapping her arms around him, letting him bury his face against her as a sob welled up.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered, another sob escaping and then another. He wasn’t entirely sure what he was apologising for - for being who he was, for not telling her, for hurting her, for crying on her. It was all welling up now, and his hands crept up to cling to her back.  “I’m so sorry…”

    Lenalee shushed him quietly, gently manoeuvring them both so that they were laid on the bed, her arms never loosening their grip on him. Tears were swimming in her own eyes as Allen burrowed against her, but she refused to let them fall and not just because she knew that he would blame himself. No, if she allowed herself falter now, she wouldn’t be able to do what needed to be done. Her expression darkened even as she gently ran fingers through white strands that had fallen from his ponytail, feeling his sobbing slowly beginning to subside. They still had a lot to talk about, after all, she only had the bare bones to go on, but she knew that was going to have to wait till later even before she heard his breathing beginning to ease out. He rarely managed to sleep with someone else around, even with her, so the fact that he was falling asleep in her arms told her that he hadn’t been sleeping properly for a while.

    Once she was sure he was asleep, she shifted back just enough to be able to get a clear look at his face. Asleep, and with tear tracks on his face he looked frighteningly young, and her expression softened as she reached out to cautiously wipe away the tears, her fingers lingering for a moment as she traced the path of the scar on his face. The expression in his eyes earlier told her that other memories, memories that she wished she could banish for his sake had come to the surface, and she closed her eyes. She had genuinely hoped that college would be different, that people would be able to see past the scar on his face and his arm, that they would be able to see the boy behind all that. Lavi had. Kanda, even if he wouldn’t admit it aloud had, so why couldn’t the others?

_Why? Why can’t they see the Allen I know? The Allen I see?_

****

     Lavi was sat desperately scribbling his way through his maths coursework, cursing himself for not getting it done that weekend and trying to ignore the sarcastic remarks coming from Kanda. Although he couldn’t really blame the dark-haired teen as it was usually the other way around, it just wasn’t helping with his concentration, especially as he also couldn’t stop his gaze from flickering towards the doors every couple of minutes. Lenalee had texted him the night before to say that she and Allen had talked and cleared some of the air between them, at first the fact that she let him know had confused the hell out of him, but then he remembered that he had admitted his concern. A small smile curving his lips at the thought that even when she was distracted with Allen, she had thought of him, although that certainly wasn’t something he was going to share with Kanda.

    Still, he was hoping to see them, to see for himself that some of the pain he had seen in those silver eyes the other day had cleared. Although that would mean facing the fact that someone else had been able to help when his offer had been brushed aside with harsh words. _As long as he has help,_ he told himself sternly, but somehow it didn’t sound as convincing as he hoped it would, and his fingers tightened around his pen until it made a worrying creaking noise. Forcing himself to relax, he tried to shove all those thoughts aside for the time being and tried to ignore the uneasy feeling churning in the pit of his stomach. _As long as he has help…_  

“They’re here,” Kanda grunted a few minutes later, just as Lavi was triumphantly scrawling the answer to the last question. His work was a mess, especially compared to his usual neatness - a by-product of the old Panda refusing to let him turn work in unless it was pristine, but he was confident all the answers were right, and that was as good as it was going to get since it was due in that afternoon. _Now I just have to catch up on everything else,_ he thought with a sigh, even as he lifted his head and sought out the other two.

    It was easy to see that Lenalee was happier, her usual smile back in place as she chatted to Allen, who was actually replying with a soft expression. However, there was a dangerous glint in her eyes that only people who really knew her, and had faced that glint before would notice. She was furious. Lavi swallowed nervously even though he knew that he hadn’t done anything to incur her wrath this time, and he glanced at Kanda who was watching her intently before his dark eyes shifted to Allen and a somewhat smug expression passed over his face. The red-head was about to ask what that was about when the other two reached them, and he hastily snapped his mouth shut, not wanting to put his foot in it when Allen was close enough to hear.

   Lenalee quickly slipped into the seat beside Kanda, already pulling out her lunch, but Allen was still standing and glancing hesitantly at Lavi, and the red-head squirmed under the silvery gaze. _What have I done now?_ He thought in alarm, trying to figure out what he could have done, eyes flicking nervously to his phone as he recalled how close he had come to calling Road. But there was no way Allen could know about that…so what…His thoughts were brought to an abrupt halt when the teen spoke, relief and confusion flooding him in equal measure.

“Can I have a word?”

“Sure,” Lavi agreed after a moment, shooting a questioning look at Lenalee who shrugged her shoulders to show she didn’t have a clue, before realising that Allen was waiting for him to follow. His stomach did a curious flip-flop at the thought of being alone with Allen, even as the uneasy feeling increased. It was always when they were alone that he managed to screw up, and for a moment he faltered, but then silver eyes met his, and he found himself unable to voice any protest, instead following Allen outside.

“I’m sorry,” Allen turned around and blurted the moment they were out of sight of the cafeteria, his hands twisting nervously in front of him, even though he met Lavi’s gaze without hesitation. It seemed to be all he was saying at the moment. He had said it again to Lenalee when he’d woken from his unexpected nap the day before, right before one of the most painful conversations he’d had in a while. She had been unrelenting in her questions, and he’d no longer had the will to lie to her, unwilling to admit that it had helped to say it aloud. And he feared what she was going to do now that she had the details, and what the repercussions were going to be. She might have been able to stop it when they were younger, but college was different, and he didn’t have enough faith in people to think that things would change just because she spoke up for him, but he hadn’t been able to say that under her burning gaze.

    Still, that was part of his reasoning behind apologising to Lavi. That and the fact that he was still slightly stunned that his first instinct had been to blame the red-head for rousing the bad memories. He still had no idea what to make about Lavi, and he didn’t want to encourage him, but with everything that was going on, and possibly about to go down, he wasn’t about to risk throwing away potential fri…allies, or risk taking any other friendships away from Lenalee. Besides he knew that he had been unfair that day, lashing out at the red-head when it was clear that he’d only wanted to help. It was just the reasons why he wanted to help that Allen didn’t fully understand.

“Huh?” Lavi wanted to groan at his unintelligent response, shaking his head at himself, before asking with honest confusion. “For what?” Sure the younger teen had snapped at him, but given what had been going on he wasn’t really able to blame him. If anything he had thought that he would be the one needing to apologise, as something he had said had clearly dragged up some bad memories.

“How I spoke to you the other day, I…”

“It’s fine,” Lavi cut him off gently, not needing the apology. Although he had to admit the fact that Allen had actually sought him out willing, and been willing to apologise warmed him and gave him hope that maybe things weren’t as hopeless as he had been starting to believe they were. He could see the frown that met his quick dismissal, and he offered the smaller teen a small smile - nothing flirty, just a warm, reassuring smile as he added. “Honestly.”

“But…”

“I get it,” the red-head interrupted again, and Allen stilled, a shadow in the silver eyes and Lavi continued before he could get the wrong idea. “People aren’t always trustworthy, and I’m guessing you know that better than most.” His gaze drifted briefly to the scar on Allen’s face. There was no way a mark was a result of an accident, which meant that out there, somewhere was a person who had got close enough to the teen to hurt him that badly. Life might not have been fair to Lavi, but at least his loss had been an act of God, an accident and he’d had the Old man to pull him through it, even if the Panda was a grumpy old git at the best of times. “But…” He hesitated for a moment, his resolve to just be himself, warring with his uncertainty of how to talk to Allen and the uneasy feeling in the pit of his stomach that had yet to shift, and Allen tilted his head curiously.

“But?”

“I want to be one of the ones you can trust,” he admitted in a rush, feeling himself beginning to blush. It was probably the most honest thing he’d ever said to someone he liked, and he wanted to curse as he felt himself turning red and he swallowed as he caught the way Allen had glanced away. “Not right away, I know that’s not going to happen.” _Even though I wish it could,_ he admitted in the safety of his own mind, offering Allen a small smile when the teen turned back to him with a surprised expression, and just the fact that the younger was showing his emotions so openly was encouraging. “I just want the chance. So,” he hesitated for a moment before holding out his hand. “Can we forget about everything up to now, and start over?”

 

 


	7. Chapter 7

    Lavi couldn’t keep the smile off his face. Even the nightmare of an essay that had been set by Hevlaska couldn’t dent his mood tonight, although he was sure that his brain was going to be completely wrung out by the time it was done, his eyes darting to the massive pile of books he still had to get through. Yep, it was definitely going to be wrung out, but tonight he didn’t care, humming under his breath as he took notes without fully absorbing the words in front of him. A skill he had perfected through helping the Panda with his books. He might not remember them, but he knew that his notes would be spot on, and that allowed his thoughts to wander to more important topics. Namely, Allen Walker and his smile grew as his gaze darted to his hand, recalling the feeling of smaller fingers grasping his for the briefest moment.

_“Can we forget about everything up to now, and start over?” He hadn’t let it show, keeping his expression as open and relaxed as possible, but inside he had been quivering with nerves. He hadn’t even felt this nervous the first time he had asked someone on a date, or even the day of the entrance exams with his future resting on his results. Allen was still staring at him, gaze darting between his hand and his face, the surprise his words had caused temporarily stripping away his masks, letting Lavi see the storm of emotions he had inadvertently created. There was the wariness that he expected, although he was dismayed to see how strong that feeling was, once again wondering what Allen had endured to make him like this. And curiosity, as though what Lavi was offering was something out of the norm, and buried deep beneath that longing._

_Lavi had wanted to say something more, to try and reassure him, to convince him. But he didn’t entirely trust himself to say the right thing again, and he felt very much like he was reaching out to a wild animal, one that would flee or lash out if he made the slightest wrong move and so he waited, barely breathing and half-wishing that Lenalee was there to vouch for him. Finally, after what seemed an age Allen took a shuddering breath and nodded._

_“Okay.” It certainly wasn’t the enthusiastic agreement that a small part of him still wished for, but at that moment it was the most beautiful thing that Lavi had heard in a while, and he realised that some part of him had been waiting to be pushed away ago._

_“Really?”_

_“Really.” A rare, fleeting smile crossed the pale features, and Lavi forgot to breathe as for a second it touched the silver eyes. However, before he could get lost in the sight Allen’s masks slid back into place, although his expression remained lighter than before and Lavi jolted when the younger teen slowly reached out and gripped his hand. He could feel Allen trembling, and he carefully kept his grip light, letting Allen pull back when he wanted to. Which turned out to be far too quickly for Lavi’s liking, although he wasn’t going to complain, fighting the urge to stare at his hand. “Lavi…”_

_“I know,” Lavi reassured him quickly, catching the shift in his voice, and he didn’t need the wariness in the single word to know what Allen had been about to say. “Slowly.” He was relieved that his voice had come out evenly, hiding the dismay that he couldn’t stop himself from feeling at the thought of going back to the beginning, of starting over and creeping towards the point where he wanted them to get to. He didn’t want to do slow, not because of a lack of patience although he was aware that he was the most impatient out of the four of them, but because he hated the distance between them, far too used to just getting on with people._

_Although look where that had got him…_

    Lavi sighed, setting down his pen and abandoning his attempts to stop his gaze from focusing on his hand, still able to feel Allen’s fingers in his. He might not be good at slow, but he knew that he would do it for a shot at getting to know the younger teen. Especially when his easy agreement and the fact that he had understood that it would take time had earned him another half-smile from Allen. It hadn’t touched his eyes that time, but just the sight of Allen’s lips quirking upwards had been enough to reduce Lavi to putty in his hands, and he wondered what he would do if Allen were ever able to smile freely and honestly. _When,_ he corrected himself sternly, hand curling into a fist as he nodded with determination. Even if it was just once, he wanted to see what Allen Walker looked like when he was truly happy, and he desperately wanted to be the one to make him happy, and he groaned, dropping his head against his notes.

He really was head over heels…

****

    Lenalee looked up when Allen stumbled into the living room later that evening. He had disappeared after supper to do some work on his own, and she had reluctantly let him be, knowing that he needed some time to himself after the afternoon at college. She hadn’t done anything just yet, but she had caught the stares and the whispers when they had thought she was distracted, Allen’s body language drawing her attention the few times her focus had waved and she filed each face away. It hurt to see some of the people that she had counted as friends were amongst them, but it was a pain that had paled in comparison to the way Allen had kept his attention on his books. Barely even looking at her, cowed in a way that she had hoped never to see again and she knew that she wouldn’t be able to hold her tongue for long.

    For now, though she pushed those thoughts away as Allen wandered across to where she was sat on the sofa, meeting her gaze for a moment before falling face first onto it, and she giggled as he sprawled in her lap, burying his face against her with a pitiful groan. It was something he had done when they were younger, treating her as his own personal pillow. It was something she had missed, because it had been a sign that he trusted her enough to be himself, and she willingly moved her book out of the way as he pressed closer. Marking her page, she set it down and reached down, playing with his hair. He made an indignant noise when she pulled it out of its tie but didn’t move, instead melting against her as she ran her fingers through it as it splayed out.

 “Tired?” She asked softly after a few minutes, beginning to think he had already dozed off when he nodded slightly, his nose tickling as it brushed against her stomach. “Allen!” He pulled back a little at her protest, amusement dancing in his eyes and she immediately wrapped her free arm around her waist to protect herself. However, he didn’t try to tickle her, instead rolling over so that he was facing her.

“Tired,” he agreed with a wide yawn, and Lenalee groaned as she immediately found herself fighting back a yawn as well although she had been feeling wide awake a few minutes ago. However, she forgot that when Allen squirmed for a minute, colour seeping into as he reluctantly admitted. “And I’m stuck…”

“Stuck?” Lenalee echoed incredulously. While they worked together a lot, he rarely actually needed any help, in fact, more often than not she was the one bribing him for help with snacks. Not that she needed to bribe him, but it was always worth it to see his eyes light up for a moment. “On schoolwork?” She had to check, knowing that he had slipped away to speak to Lavi at lunchtime and wondering if it was something to do with that, after all, it wasn’t the first time he’d asked for her advice when it came to how to deal with people, although it made her heart ache every time. However, that train of thought was cut off with a sheepish nod.

“The essay Rouvelier set us for Religious Studies,” Allen muttered. “It’s impossible, have you seen the marking scheme for it? He wants so much, and it’s due in next week. Just the essential reading list is going to take that long to get through.” Lenalee winced, she had known exactly what he was talking about as soon as she had mentioned Rouvelier’s name. There was a reason why he was the most hated teacher on campus. Even Hevlaska’s demanding assignments paled in comparison to what he expected when he set them essays, and she shuddered slightly as she remembered the reading list. It had been a scramble to get the books because everyone knew his reputation and wanted to make sure they weren’t one of the ones who failed the assignment, which explained the pile of books Allen had hauled home that night. “I’m going to fail…”

“That essay is designed to make us all fail,” Lenalee murmured soothingly, returning to playing with his hair as she caught the worried undertone. One assignment wasn’t going to change the rest of his scores, but she knew that he constantly worried that he might screw up and lose his place, and she smoothed his hair before frowning thoughtfully. “I think the only person in the history of our school who got a top mark on that essay was Lavi.” For all his tomfoolery and flirting, the red-head put most people to shame when it came to studying and while he tended to blame his guardian for making him work that hard. More than once she had caught him reading books that she would never even try to read just for fun and knew that he liked the challenge of getting good grades, and delighted in muddying the waters around himself.

“Lavi?”

     Lenalee caught the odd note in Allen’s voice, not the reluctance or wariness that he had displayed towards her red-haired friend before now,  but an odd hesitance, and once again she was plagued with curiosity about what the two of them had been talking about earlier. She hadn’t asked, hoping that the fact that Allen had initiated the conversation meant that he was settling a little despite everything, because as much as she wanted to do everything in her power to keep him by her side, she wanted him to open up and have more friends.  

“You should ask him for help,” she suggested, carefully keeping her voice neutral, although she was unsurprised when his eyes narrowed suspiciously at her. She could run rings around her brother, but Allen always seemed to know when she plotting. Sometimes even before she knew what she was doing, and she opened her mouth to try and convince him when he cut her off with a frown.

“But…couldn’t you help me?” It wasn’t a refusal. She blinked, taking a moment to realise that although he was asking for her help and would probably prefer it, he hadn’t outright refused the idea of asking Lavi, his expression still open and his attention on her. He was offering her a chance to convince him, and she smiled

“I barely scraped a pass on that essay, and it was only because of nii-san that I got that,” Lenalee scowled, it had probably been her lowest mark ever, but it had been the condescending look as Rouvelier had handed it back to her that had made it worse. It was only the fact that he treated everyone like that, even those he counted as favourites like Howard Link, who still only gained an average score and people like Lavi who somehow managed to meet his expectations that had allowed her to brush it off. She was still determined to get top marks in something he set before she graduated, but while her grades had crept up, she was still a long way of her goal, which meant that he really was better off asking Lavi. And she really wanted Allen to get to know the others…

    Allen worried at his bottom lip, clearly not convinced and she was wracking her brain for what else she could say to try and change his mind.

“Won’t he be reluctant to go through it again if it was that bad?”

“Lavi likes studying,” Lenalee smiled, remembering all the times Kanda had taunted the red-head for it, and the debates that the pair could get into. Although the arguments that came afterwards were more amusing to watch, at least until she got dragged into it as a peacemaker.  “He loves it, although he spends half his time complaining about it.”

“But…”

“Believe me, he’ll be more than willing to help,” Lenalee cut him off, knowing that he was wavering and going in for the kill.  “You don’t want to fail do you?”

“That’s not fair.”

“No,” she admitted easily, aware that it had been a low blow but deciding that if it got him to reach out, then it was worth it, and although he was pouting at her, she knew that she had him, and she couldn’t help but grin at him.  “But it’s working isn’t it.”

“I hate you.”

“No, you don’t.”

“Yes, I do.”

“Oh really?” Lenalee demanded, poking him in the side, smirking as he barely managed to stifle a squeak at the sensation as he wiggled away from her finger. “So, you don’t want to join me for a hot chocolate? And I’m fairly sure we still have some of those cookies you were raving about the other night.” She knew that she’d had him at hot chocolate, but the cookies sealed the deal because he promptly wrapped his arms around her, pout forgotten.

“Lenalee have I ever told you how much I love you!” She giggled at his antics, briefly returning his hug before nudging him so that she could get up, unsurprised when he latched onto her and before he could argue she had grabbed his legs and hoisted him up. “Lenalee!” He protested even as she staggered for a moment before regaining her balance, ignoring his protest as she headed for the door, and after a moment he settled, loosely looping his arms around her shoulders and burying his face against her shoulder and mumbling. “Thank you.”

“Anytime.”

****

    Allen was swinging back towards the thought that he hated his best friend as they headed into lunch, trying to focus on the thought of food and not the expectant gaze he could feel as she followed him inside and a small part of him prayed that Lavi wouldn’t be there. Of course, luck wasn’t on his side, he could make out the distinctive red hair from a mile away and he bit back a sigh as Lenalee waved to him and Kanda, calling loudly to them and he just knew that she was doing it on purpose, elbowing him and ignoring his glare in response.

    He knew for sure that she was doing it on purpose when she suddenly darted ahead of him and slipped into the seat next to Kanda, shooting him a challenging look when he hesitated, studying the place next to Lavi. He had meant it when he had agreed to try and start over with the red-head, but asking him for help was going to be bad enough. Doing it while sat next to him? He shot her a pleading look, but she shook her head before turning and beginning to talk to Kanda, the dark-haired teen smirking at him before allowing himself to be pulled into a conversation, and Allen growled under his breath. _Jerkanda._ With nothing else for it, he slipped into the free seat, relieved when Lavi lifted his head to say hello before turning his attention back to the book he was reading, leaving Allen free to focus on his food and try to work out how the hell to ask for help without encouraging Lavi too much.

    He had almost finished his lunch and still made no attempt to speak to Lavi, not knowing what to say and he jumped when Lenalee kicked him sharply under the table, glowering at her for a moment, although he knew that it had all the force of a ruffled kitten when she smirked at him and he glanced away. How was it that she could scare the hell out of him at times? But he couldn’t even make her quiver? Feeling her toes digging warningly into his leg again he growled to himself, wondering what he had done to deserve such a best friend before reluctantly turning towards Lavi. The red-head had greeted him warmly enough earlier but had then left him in peace, and it was clear that he was only half paying attention to what was happening around him, his gaze fixated on the book propped open in front of him and Allen couldn’t stop himself from leaning forward to peer at the title.    

“Allen…” Lenalee hissed at him, making no effort to lower her voice although it didn’t seem to distract Lavi. Allen jumped, before glancing at her guiltily. He hadn’t been trying to put it off again, well not really, he was always curious about books. Lenalee was still glaring at him though, and he sighed knowing from painful experience that she wasn’t going let the matter drop and that if he didn’t say something, then she would, and he would be the one that ended up blushing at the end of it.

“Lavi?”

“Hmm,” Lavi hummed, still not really paying attention and Allen was wondering what to do when Lavi blinked and lifted his head, looking nonplussed as though it had only just dawned on him who was talking to him. Allen didn’t like the guilty feeling that came with that realisation, and he glanced down, hands twisting nervously in his lap. _This is a bad idea…_ But he wouldn’t be able to play it off as nothing, not with Lenalee there.  “Allen?” There was something about the tone, the same one that Lavi had used the day before when assuring him that he knew that they needed to take things slow, that made him look up, carefully forcing his fear back behind a mask.

“I…” _Why is this so hard?_ He flashed back to how he had snapped at Lavi for offering to help him before, and his stomach churned, but Lenalee was nudging him under the table again and sighing in defeat he met the green gaze.  “I was wondering if you could help me with an essay?”

“Me?”

“Is anyone else called Lavi?” Kanda muttered under his breath, ignoring Lenalee when she stomped on his foot. “Idiot.”

     Lavi didn’t pay them any mind, too used to Kanda and his insults now and unable to tear his gaze away from Allen who was beginning to wish that he hadn’t asked. He didn’t like being the centre of attention, even if this was by people he knew and trusted to some extent and he shifted uneasily, Lavi was still staring at him, Lenalee was watching them with a hopeful expression and even though Kanda was pretending to be disinterested he knew that he was watching as well. “Allen?” Lavi prompted, reminding him that he hadn’t answer and he hesitated for a moment. Did he really want to commit to this? But Lenalee was kicking him again, more gently this time and he gave a tiny nod. His stomach doing a strange flip-flop at the smile that greeted his response, it was nothing like the slightly flirty one that had put him off in the first place, nor was it the soft one when he had been trying to convince Allen he wasn’t a threat. It was warm and made him seem more real, more trustworthy, and he found himself having to wrench his gaze away.

“Aw, is the beansprout struggling to keep up?” Allen wasn’t sure whether Kanda was just bored of the topic, wanted to break the awkward silence that had fallen or if he was just a jerk. Blinking as he recognised the damned nickname that both he and Lavi had used, he decided that it was probably the latter, glowering at the dark-haired teen.

“Don’t call me beansprout!” _I can keep up,_ he hoped that the panic he had felt at Kanda’s taunt didn’t show on his face and he carefully made sure that he didn’t look at Lenalee, knowing that she would see through him in a minute. He was readying himself for a fight as Kanda opened his mouth again, but then another voice piped up, derailing Kanda’s attention.

“Yuu-chan…”

“Don’t call me that,” Kanda snarled turning to look at Lavi, who merely grinned at him, utterly unfazed by the anger that had made Allen shrink in on himself for a moment and Allen glanced across at Lenalee, startled to find her smiling slightly. She looked as though this was a common occurrence, her expression torn between amusement and exasperation, the latter winning out as Kanda continued to grumble under his breath, reaching out and nudging him sharply.

“Kanda…”

    If Allen had thought the silence from before was awkward, it was nothing to the one that fell now, and he poked half-heartedly at the remains of his food, appetite all but gone. He had asked for help, but he didn’t know what to do next, and Lenalee was distracted by Kanda who was now glaring down at his own food and sulking.

“Which essay?” It was Lavi who broke the silence, setting his book down and keeping half an eye on Kanda, he’d been caught out too many times to think that his friend was going to let his use of the nickname go unpunished, even with Lenalee sat right next to him. Allen blinked, after Kanda’s reaction to his request for help he realised that he’d been waiting for Lavi to react similarly, but when he risked a peek there was nothing but interest and a hint of lingering surprise, and he worried at his bottom lip before muttering his reply.

“Religious studies…”

“Rouvelier?” Lavi groaned, and even Kanda looked up at that and Allen nodded. “That man really needs to go…”

“You know the school won’t get rid of him,” Lenalee pointed out, and Allen glanced at her in surprise, she never really spoke about the lecturers she disliked, and he realised that she was using the same tone that she used when talking about his past carers. Especially Cross after his latest desertion, and he shifted uneasily, was Rouvelier really that bad? Lenalee had caught his look and sighed before explaining quietly and no small amount of disapproval.  “He’s connected to the board of directors, so we’re stuck with him unless a miracle happens.”

“Well until that happens, let’s focus on making sure Allen doesn’t catch his bad side,” Lavi interjected, clearly trying to lighten the conversation, turning to look at Allen.  “I have to help the Panda..my guardian,” he explained as he caught Allen’s confusion. “With some research tonight, but I’m free tomorrow after class if you want to meet up in the library.”

“Are you sure? I…” _I don’t want to be an inconvenience._

“I’m sure,” Lavi replied a little too quickly, and Allen couldn’t help but narrow his eyes at the red-head, maybe this had been a bad idea, but there was no sign of the flirty, half smile that had made him wary. Instead, Lavi had an expression on his face that reminded Allen of the one he tended to get when he was let loose in a bookshop, and it stopped him from telling the other teen to forget about. “I think I still have my notes somewhere as well so I’ll dig them out for you.” He looked so eager, so genuinely happy to help and Lenalee was nudging him again and Allen swallowed, not sure what to make of so many people trying to help him. Not used to anyone but Lenalee wanting to help him, and it took him a moment to gather his thoughts before he focused on Lavi once more.

“Thank you.”

****

    That evening Lavi couldn’t settle, earning more than one sharp word from the old Panda until eventually he had been banished from the library. Something that would have dismayed him in the past, but right now he was relieved to have an excuse to retreat to his room so that he could try and track down the notes he had promised Allen. He still couldn’t believe that Allen had actually reached out to him of all people for help, although he hadn’t missed the fact that Lenalee had been kicking him under the table and he guessed that she had more to do with it than Allen. But still, he felt that he knew Allen well enough to know that he wouldn’t have done it if he really didn’t want to, at least he hoped so because the thought of having an excuse to spend time with Allen had him practically bouncing on the spot. And if they were focusing on schoolwork there was no way he could mess it up, he just had to be himself and stay focused.

“Notes…notes,” he muttered to himself as he rummaged through the cupboard. He usually kept everything neatly organised, but he had been so sick of that essay by the time it was done even if he had enjoyed the topic, or rather the debates surrounding exorcisms, that he had been tempted to just throw the notes away and he paused. Had he given in to the temptation? He groaned, but then glanced at his bed as a vague memory stirred and with a triumphant cry he flung himself onto the floor, ignoring the shout of protest from downstairs and wiggling under the bed.

   He made a mental note to clean out under there at some point, knowing that he would never do it as he scrabbled past boxes of mementoes, a costume from last Halloween, what looked worryingly like a rotten banana and books that he had forgotten he owned before finally, his hands closed on a folder. Gripping it tightly he eased himself out from under the bed, grimacing at the dust covering the folder before grinning triumphantly as he checked that it was the right thing, although he winced at the state of his handwriting. Still, he had them, and he only had…he glanced at the clock and groaned, nearly nineteen hours until they were supposed to meet, falling back onto his bed with a groan.

_I want it to be tomorrow…_

 


End file.
